For those of you that don't know, I own one of those new fangled computer thingies. I usually use it to search for porno and pictures of dinosaurs. (The two are not related). Because doing this was all too tiring on my legs, I purchased one of those 'chair' inventions which worked wonders. This allowed me to use my computer for long periods of time while sat down. I also own a cat, who seems to think she owns the chair. Now, if anyone else was to sit on my chair I'd slap them and start phoning a lawyer. However, everytime I walk into my room to see a ball of fluff sat in the centre, I try to squeeze past so I can have enough space without disturbing the precious feline. I'm writing this sitting on half a buttcheek while the cat is taking up the rest of the space asleep. I'm quite uncomfortable.
Not content with ruining my dinosaur session, she also seems to think the best view in my room comes from the area in front of the monitor. Now I wouldn't be angry, but she only ever manages to think this when I need the monitor for looking at things. Pushing her off only tells her that I don't want her to sit there, which she translates to "Please sit on my mousemat. You like mice, right?" Chances are if I'm using my computer, the mouse would be a pretty handy tool as it helps to click on things.
Again, she's moved and is sat on my mousemat, looking over my room like she owns the place. I've never felt so imasculated. I'm being overthrown in my own domain my a creature who can barely reach my knees.
Does this happen to everyone, or does my cat just really like the internet and want to join in?
I don't mean to one of 'those' people who always talks about their cat, so here's just the one post. Be glad I didn't include pictures with hilarious captions in grammatically incorrect ways. Tune in next time for a post about dogs!
Monday, 9 August 2010
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
If I say No Deal will you leave?
What's that mum? You want Channel 4 on? Alright, but I want you to be sure. I've checked what's on and I think you might want to reconsider. Wait, what? You do know what those words mean, right? You want to watch-..Ok, I'm going to go ahead and pretend I'm adopted for the next half hour or so. Fine, we'll watch Deal or No Deal, but I'm not happy with you. Just let me compose myself first.
4:10pm: Oh God, it's that damn song. Are you happy, mother?! I'm already regretting your decision.
4:11pm: JESUS! What's that?! Who? Noel? Huh, what a strange man.
4:13pm: Why are the audience still clapping? Are those actually people or just robots designed to clap endlessly? I honestly can't tell.
4:15pm: So we've seen the contestant for a full minute and I already want her to stop breathing. Why is she laughing at everything? That's not funny. STOP ENCOURAGING NOEL! HE'LL ONLY CARRY ON!
4:16pm: Finally, they've picked the first box. Wow, only the first box? It feels like a year since I turned this on.
4:16:30pm: HA! The Gods have failed you! Have I ever told you I love the colour red?
4: 17pm: Ok, so the largest number has been eliminated. Can we stop watching now? Why are you looking at me like that?
4:19pm: Oh, we get to see the rest of the people there. Because that's what I wanted to see, the people who didn't make it through today.
4:20pm: Ok, laughing at Noel I can understand. I like you a little bit more. Keep doing that.
4:21:30pm: Stop laughing! It wasn't that funny!
4:22pm: So I'm back to not liking you again. Congratulations.
4:23pm: Adverts? Goodie! Freedom! I've never been happier to see people shouting at me telling me to buy insurance for things.
4:27pm: On no, we're back. I miss people shouting at me.
4:30pm: So apparently picking the 1p box is the greatest achievement in the history of mankind.
4:31pm: Why are they still clapping and cheering? It's not their money.
4:33pm: Now she picked a red and they start clapping again. This game has stopped making sense.
4:35pm: Why are people offering encouragement? I'd be happy to leave that place with at least £100.
4:36pm: Actually, I'd just be happy to leave that place. I'd take a lot to get me there in the first place actually. Maybe some sort of kidnapping.
4:44pm: Why is she crying and talking about her family and debts. Wasn't this a 'happy' program 20 seconds ago.
4:45pm: Oh good, more nervous laughter. I missed that noise.
4:50pm: "Stand up if you would gamble." Yes, because the audience matter. Those clapping robots have a totally unbiased view on this, you know with them taking home some of the money themselves. What's that? They don't? Then what's the point of this?!
4:51pm: So she's basing her decision to win or lose a bit of money on a load of people who stood up. What a great decision maker.
4:53pm: Everyone cheer! She's slightly richer than she was before! This is a big part of your life and you should show it!
4:56pm: Thanks mum, I didn't need those brain cells after all. Whats next? ...Come Dine With Me?! I'll be over here with this noose. Pay me no attention.
4:10pm: Oh God, it's that damn song. Are you happy, mother?! I'm already regretting your decision.
4:11pm: JESUS! What's that?! Who? Noel? Huh, what a strange man.
4:13pm: Why are the audience still clapping? Are those actually people or just robots designed to clap endlessly? I honestly can't tell.
4:15pm: So we've seen the contestant for a full minute and I already want her to stop breathing. Why is she laughing at everything? That's not funny. STOP ENCOURAGING NOEL! HE'LL ONLY CARRY ON!
4:16pm: Finally, they've picked the first box. Wow, only the first box? It feels like a year since I turned this on.
4:16:30pm: HA! The Gods have failed you! Have I ever told you I love the colour red?
4: 17pm: Ok, so the largest number has been eliminated. Can we stop watching now? Why are you looking at me like that?
4:19pm: Oh, we get to see the rest of the people there. Because that's what I wanted to see, the people who didn't make it through today.
4:20pm: Ok, laughing at Noel I can understand. I like you a little bit more. Keep doing that.
4:21:30pm: Stop laughing! It wasn't that funny!
4:22pm: So I'm back to not liking you again. Congratulations.
4:23pm: Adverts? Goodie! Freedom! I've never been happier to see people shouting at me telling me to buy insurance for things.
4:27pm: On no, we're back. I miss people shouting at me.
4:30pm: So apparently picking the 1p box is the greatest achievement in the history of mankind.
4:31pm: Why are they still clapping and cheering? It's not their money.
4:33pm: Now she picked a red and they start clapping again. This game has stopped making sense.
4:35pm: Why are people offering encouragement? I'd be happy to leave that place with at least £100.
4:36pm: Actually, I'd just be happy to leave that place. I'd take a lot to get me there in the first place actually. Maybe some sort of kidnapping.
4:44pm: Why is she crying and talking about her family and debts. Wasn't this a 'happy' program 20 seconds ago.
4:45pm: Oh good, more nervous laughter. I missed that noise.
4:50pm: "Stand up if you would gamble." Yes, because the audience matter. Those clapping robots have a totally unbiased view on this, you know with them taking home some of the money themselves. What's that? They don't? Then what's the point of this?!
4:51pm: So she's basing her decision to win or lose a bit of money on a load of people who stood up. What a great decision maker.
4:53pm: Everyone cheer! She's slightly richer than she was before! This is a big part of your life and you should show it!
4:56pm: Thanks mum, I didn't need those brain cells after all. Whats next? ...Come Dine With Me?! I'll be over here with this noose. Pay me no attention.
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Probably only good for a rental
And just like that after three years of solid gaming, I've beaten the education system. I didn't think much of the end boss, with it's huge difficulty curve, but overall it was a satisfying game.
First off, the NPCs in the game had huge dialog trees, and it really felt like you were forming a bond with them. It seemed like each NPC had their own personality, and I didn't see a single repeated model. The dynamic clothing system was also a nice touch which helped immersion. The voice acting is also superb, although I didn't recognise any of the voice actors. The facial expressions given usually match up perfectly to the voices which almost makes me wonder how such a perfect system was coded.
You need these NPCs to help you complete the many tasks the education system gives you, which are usually in the form of essays or code generating. Some of them tell you about topics in the background while you play the drawing and sleeping minigames which I found really rewarding. However, it is VERY important to pay attention to the information you're told, as you are tested on it at the end of each level. This is easy enough during the drawing, but the volume turns down and everything goes black during the sleeping minigame, so it is much harder. There's also something about the game which throws this minigame your way during the most important topics, which I thought was a cheap shot.
At the end of each day you have the option to study what you learnt, allowing certain topics to be easily recalled whenever they're needed, or doing one of the many minigames the game offers. These include increasing your social standing with certain characters, playing one of the ingame video games, or taking part in the drinking minigame, which I'll talk about in greater detail later.
After each level, as stated, you are tested on what you've been told, but this grade is added together with your grade from other minigames given by the teaching NPCs. You are usually told to go and write and essay using the knowledge you've been taught so far. This is where the game really shines, as you can talk to the other characters and gain more knowledge, or you can go the evil route and steal their work. Enter the influence level, which admittedly needs some work. Certain acts gain bad influence, meaning the characters don't treat you with as much respect, and can even start to dislike you depending on the action you took. This influence level can end the game for you if it goes too low, so it is important to keep it up, which doesn't allow for much experimentation with different methods. Apart from this small point, it really shines through, as each character knows everything you did, and your actions sometimes get brought up in conversation, which was suprising to hear, and sometimes very rewarding.
The customisation is another great factor of the game, as there is literally millions of combinations of clothing styles. The game boasts hundreds of shops in the city you choose to start in, which each provide different unlockables for your character. My only concern is once you take an item out of your wardrobe to throw it away, you have to unlock the item again. I'm not sure if this was a bug or intentionaly programmed in. You unlock items by spending money which you get given each year, and through more minigames. The amount you get each year is determined on your character creation, and some stats you gave yourself, as well as your parents and family, so I hope you have a good background prepared for your character. This money spawns at the start of the year and in installments throughout the game, so you should always have something to carry the game on. If you unlock too many items, you need to play some minigames to get the monetary rewards. This requires you going to one of the shops or buildings and asking if you can play the minigame. Sometimes you get lucky and you proceed to play the games, but you can only play them at certain times of certain days, with each building having different rules. Once you've unlocked yourself your clothes, you can also work on your appearence. There are hundreds of different styles of hair styles and colours, with the hair length growing each day, allowing for a lot of change should you require it.
There is also a drinking mechanism in the game which gives you some really cool effects. Once you drink a certain type of drink, the screen goes nuts, and your character gets harder to control. You may see yourself falling over, shouting dialogue at others even though you didn't choose an option, or even jumping into bouts of dancing at inopportune moments. A very fun distraction, but if this action is taken too much you start to become addicted which makes the game more about this mechanic instead of the education aspect.
All in all, it is a very rewarding game, but with a huge price tag of £3000+ a year. I can only recommend this to hardcore fans of the genre as it doesn't seem to be for everyone.
First off, the NPCs in the game had huge dialog trees, and it really felt like you were forming a bond with them. It seemed like each NPC had their own personality, and I didn't see a single repeated model. The dynamic clothing system was also a nice touch which helped immersion. The voice acting is also superb, although I didn't recognise any of the voice actors. The facial expressions given usually match up perfectly to the voices which almost makes me wonder how such a perfect system was coded.
You need these NPCs to help you complete the many tasks the education system gives you, which are usually in the form of essays or code generating. Some of them tell you about topics in the background while you play the drawing and sleeping minigames which I found really rewarding. However, it is VERY important to pay attention to the information you're told, as you are tested on it at the end of each level. This is easy enough during the drawing, but the volume turns down and everything goes black during the sleeping minigame, so it is much harder. There's also something about the game which throws this minigame your way during the most important topics, which I thought was a cheap shot.
At the end of each day you have the option to study what you learnt, allowing certain topics to be easily recalled whenever they're needed, or doing one of the many minigames the game offers. These include increasing your social standing with certain characters, playing one of the ingame video games, or taking part in the drinking minigame, which I'll talk about in greater detail later.
After each level, as stated, you are tested on what you've been told, but this grade is added together with your grade from other minigames given by the teaching NPCs. You are usually told to go and write and essay using the knowledge you've been taught so far. This is where the game really shines, as you can talk to the other characters and gain more knowledge, or you can go the evil route and steal their work. Enter the influence level, which admittedly needs some work. Certain acts gain bad influence, meaning the characters don't treat you with as much respect, and can even start to dislike you depending on the action you took. This influence level can end the game for you if it goes too low, so it is important to keep it up, which doesn't allow for much experimentation with different methods. Apart from this small point, it really shines through, as each character knows everything you did, and your actions sometimes get brought up in conversation, which was suprising to hear, and sometimes very rewarding.
The customisation is another great factor of the game, as there is literally millions of combinations of clothing styles. The game boasts hundreds of shops in the city you choose to start in, which each provide different unlockables for your character. My only concern is once you take an item out of your wardrobe to throw it away, you have to unlock the item again. I'm not sure if this was a bug or intentionaly programmed in. You unlock items by spending money which you get given each year, and through more minigames. The amount you get each year is determined on your character creation, and some stats you gave yourself, as well as your parents and family, so I hope you have a good background prepared for your character. This money spawns at the start of the year and in installments throughout the game, so you should always have something to carry the game on. If you unlock too many items, you need to play some minigames to get the monetary rewards. This requires you going to one of the shops or buildings and asking if you can play the minigame. Sometimes you get lucky and you proceed to play the games, but you can only play them at certain times of certain days, with each building having different rules. Once you've unlocked yourself your clothes, you can also work on your appearence. There are hundreds of different styles of hair styles and colours, with the hair length growing each day, allowing for a lot of change should you require it.
There is also a drinking mechanism in the game which gives you some really cool effects. Once you drink a certain type of drink, the screen goes nuts, and your character gets harder to control. You may see yourself falling over, shouting dialogue at others even though you didn't choose an option, or even jumping into bouts of dancing at inopportune moments. A very fun distraction, but if this action is taken too much you start to become addicted which makes the game more about this mechanic instead of the education aspect.
All in all, it is a very rewarding game, but with a huge price tag of £3000+ a year. I can only recommend this to hardcore fans of the genre as it doesn't seem to be for everyone.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
The most annoying things about the World Cup
For those of you who enjoy football, The World Cup is a time to show your support for your country and to watch endless amounts of your favourite sport. For those of us who can't stand the thing, it's a time of being kept up to date with, and being bombarded by the latest goings on with some athletes we don't care about.
Below are some of the things I have to look forward to every four years and which help to greaten my dislike of the majority of the human race.
Those damn flags:
Are the flags really necessary? Chances are, we know who you're going to be supporting. I don't see the point in sticking a flag out of the window or covering houses in the things, but apparently most of the population do. A short trip turns into a loating for the colours red and white as you pass hundreds of cars sporting the flags. Though it does allow you to preemptively know which houses not to visit.
No other conversation matter:
I don't like football. I don't watch football. I don't know any players in our team. And yet I'm having discussions with my dad about what went on in that last hour and a half because nothing else has happened recently. The country has ground to a halt to wait to see what happens with those guys halfway across the world.
TV goes crazy:
Quality programmes? Nope, here's a load of adverts about football. News reports? Nah, footballers are more important. I can't remember the last time I turned on the TV to find something other than a football being onscreen. Well...there was the time I turned over to see a show with the set covered in England flags.
The songs:
Every tournament, we get a buttload of easily forgotten anthems, the most popular being 'Three Lions'. I don't know what brings people to wail about how awesome England is, but I want it to stop.
Endless Facebook updates:
I only use Facebook here as it's the current social network in mainstream use, but whatever the network is, you can be assured every other message sent is in regard to the World Cup. When something interesting happens, it's custom to go straight to Facebook and tell the world what just occured. This isn't the thing that bothers me since it's the entire purpose of that box. The annoyances start when a thousand others post the exact same thing. If someone scores, I hope you weren't hoping for any interesting updates for the next few minutes as everyone goes to post their love/hate of the goal/player/team/all of the above. I can't wait for the World Cup to be over so I can go back to reading about what meals people have been eating recently.
Below are some of the things I have to look forward to every four years and which help to greaten my dislike of the majority of the human race.
Those damn flags:
Are the flags really necessary? Chances are, we know who you're going to be supporting. I don't see the point in sticking a flag out of the window or covering houses in the things, but apparently most of the population do. A short trip turns into a loating for the colours red and white as you pass hundreds of cars sporting the flags. Though it does allow you to preemptively know which houses not to visit.
No other conversation matter:
I don't like football. I don't watch football. I don't know any players in our team. And yet I'm having discussions with my dad about what went on in that last hour and a half because nothing else has happened recently. The country has ground to a halt to wait to see what happens with those guys halfway across the world.
TV goes crazy:
Quality programmes? Nope, here's a load of adverts about football. News reports? Nah, footballers are more important. I can't remember the last time I turned on the TV to find something other than a football being onscreen. Well...there was the time I turned over to see a show with the set covered in England flags.
The songs:
Every tournament, we get a buttload of easily forgotten anthems, the most popular being 'Three Lions'. I don't know what brings people to wail about how awesome England is, but I want it to stop.
Endless Facebook updates:
I only use Facebook here as it's the current social network in mainstream use, but whatever the network is, you can be assured every other message sent is in regard to the World Cup. When something interesting happens, it's custom to go straight to Facebook and tell the world what just occured. This isn't the thing that bothers me since it's the entire purpose of that box. The annoyances start when a thousand others post the exact same thing. If someone scores, I hope you weren't hoping for any interesting updates for the next few minutes as everyone goes to post their love/hate of the goal/player/team/all of the above. I can't wait for the World Cup to be over so I can go back to reading about what meals people have been eating recently.
Saturday, 3 April 2010
The things keeping me awake
- Reading over my Bioshock post, I found it wasn't that funny. So, April Fools, I guess.
- If Jesus knew he'd rise from the dead, why didn't he have better miracles. Walking on water is all good, but if you really want to screw with people you'd cut your own head off.
- What's the deal with easter eggs? Eggs don't represent new life, they represent breakfast. Or horny chickens.
- Did people know what zombies were, or had they not encountered one before? I guess they would have left out the part where Judas calls Jesus a 'frigging zombie' out of the Bible.
- They made Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The next and most logical step is The New Testament and zombies. Or is somebody working on that? Would it be a faux pas to ask a priest about it?
- If Jesus knew he'd rise from the dead, why didn't he have better miracles. Walking on water is all good, but if you really want to screw with people you'd cut your own head off.
- What's the deal with easter eggs? Eggs don't represent new life, they represent breakfast. Or horny chickens.
- Did people know what zombies were, or had they not encountered one before? I guess they would have left out the part where Judas calls Jesus a 'frigging zombie' out of the Bible.
- They made Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The next and most logical step is The New Testament and zombies. Or is somebody working on that? Would it be a faux pas to ask a priest about it?
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
How not to get rescued from a plane crash
After looking out of the window for God knows how long, my boredom took me to my wallet. I don't know who I was talking to, but the topic of my parents was available to anyone listening.
I must have been going insane with boredom and needed some air. Sadly, if there is a God, he has a taste for the ironic. Air was exactly what I was getting, as the plane broke apart and travelled slightly more vertically than I anticipated. Down we went, and then under we went, as the plane hit the water. Struggling to breathe, I made it to the surface.
Around me, charred corpses and a ring of fire. Wait, a lighthouse? Convenient. As I made my way to the only dry land I expect to see for a while, I see remnants of the plane exploding and sinking. Serves them right for the crappy meals they served. And where the hell was that drinks cart? I sit back and watch the tail go under for a while, wondering how I'd go about getting my money back for the ticket.
After shouting out for any survivors, I walk inside the building. Behind me, doors shut. After figuring I just fell for Rule #1 of B-movie horror flicks, the lights come on to reveal the most poorly designed lighthouse ever. Who the hell changed the light at the top, and how the hell do they get there? All I see is a large man, staring at me from the wall. Well, I may as well look for a phone or something.
As I carry on, lights keep turning on to guide my path. Either someone's watching me, or this is some sweet motion sensor. I finally get to some sort of lift. Only it doesn't go up. I don't know if it was because I hadn't seen enough water yet, or because there was nothing else to do, but I got in. That was my first mistake.
As the sub lowered, I was treated to a film. Great, even in-flight movies in submarines have ads. After paying attention to a guy talk about politics or something (I was trying to find the remote) the window opened to show something I've never seen before.
A city! Underwater! Who built this? And why? They hired contractors to built this under all this pressure? Why wasn't this on the news?! The whale over there could just bump into a building and kill hundreds!
I heard an Irish man talking about my plance crash over some sort of intercom. Thank God, people. Maybe they can get me out of this deathtrap and back to land. I felt an unnatural hatred for water already.
As I rise to meet my 'rescuers', I see 'Johnny' back away from some woman. Hoping for a good punch up, I keep watching. What I wasn't counting on was the woman to stick a scythe into his gut. I quickly scan the area for weapons, finding nothing. Well...I always wanted to die inside a lift in an underwater city. I guess. Suddenly, the woman runs off, leaving me with the familiar voice coming from an intercom. "Would you kindly pick up that shortwave radio" Would you kindly get me out of here?! I just saw a guy get killed and you want a chat?
Luggage and picket signs were strewn everywhere in this room. It looks like I missed some party. After following the disembodied voices and noises (I'd be terrible in a horror film) my radio buddy tells me to find a crowbar to fend off the so called 'splicers'. How a crowbar is superior to a scythe I don't know, but it's not like there's much here. I find a wrench, hoping it fares high on the guy's 'List of tools to be used as weapons'. Moving on, a 'splicer' throws a flaming couch at me.
I guess this city has never heard of guns.
I must have been going insane with boredom and needed some air. Sadly, if there is a God, he has a taste for the ironic. Air was exactly what I was getting, as the plane broke apart and travelled slightly more vertically than I anticipated. Down we went, and then under we went, as the plane hit the water. Struggling to breathe, I made it to the surface.
Around me, charred corpses and a ring of fire. Wait, a lighthouse? Convenient. As I made my way to the only dry land I expect to see for a while, I see remnants of the plane exploding and sinking. Serves them right for the crappy meals they served. And where the hell was that drinks cart? I sit back and watch the tail go under for a while, wondering how I'd go about getting my money back for the ticket.
After shouting out for any survivors, I walk inside the building. Behind me, doors shut. After figuring I just fell for Rule #1 of B-movie horror flicks, the lights come on to reveal the most poorly designed lighthouse ever. Who the hell changed the light at the top, and how the hell do they get there? All I see is a large man, staring at me from the wall. Well, I may as well look for a phone or something.
As I carry on, lights keep turning on to guide my path. Either someone's watching me, or this is some sweet motion sensor. I finally get to some sort of lift. Only it doesn't go up. I don't know if it was because I hadn't seen enough water yet, or because there was nothing else to do, but I got in. That was my first mistake.
As the sub lowered, I was treated to a film. Great, even in-flight movies in submarines have ads. After paying attention to a guy talk about politics or something (I was trying to find the remote) the window opened to show something I've never seen before.
A city! Underwater! Who built this? And why? They hired contractors to built this under all this pressure? Why wasn't this on the news?! The whale over there could just bump into a building and kill hundreds!
I heard an Irish man talking about my plance crash over some sort of intercom. Thank God, people. Maybe they can get me out of this deathtrap and back to land. I felt an unnatural hatred for water already.
As I rise to meet my 'rescuers', I see 'Johnny' back away from some woman. Hoping for a good punch up, I keep watching. What I wasn't counting on was the woman to stick a scythe into his gut. I quickly scan the area for weapons, finding nothing. Well...I always wanted to die inside a lift in an underwater city. I guess. Suddenly, the woman runs off, leaving me with the familiar voice coming from an intercom. "Would you kindly pick up that shortwave radio" Would you kindly get me out of here?! I just saw a guy get killed and you want a chat?
Luggage and picket signs were strewn everywhere in this room. It looks like I missed some party. After following the disembodied voices and noises (I'd be terrible in a horror film) my radio buddy tells me to find a crowbar to fend off the so called 'splicers'. How a crowbar is superior to a scythe I don't know, but it's not like there's much here. I find a wrench, hoping it fares high on the guy's 'List of tools to be used as weapons'. Moving on, a 'splicer' throws a flaming couch at me.
I guess this city has never heard of guns.
Saturday, 6 March 2010
I'm never touching Tequila again.
All I remember was a disembodied Russian voice talking to me about children...or something. I've never been one for remembering dreams though I remember a few words. Vault. Pandora. Guardian. I'm sure these won't be important. All, of a sudden...BAM! I jolted up to find myself on some sort of bus. There were only 3 other people and a driver, all of whom looked familiar? Were they at Dave's party last night? They probably stuck me on this bus to get me home, after the fifth tequila in a row. All it took was a quick look outside to tell me how wrong I was. Where the hell am I?! I've never seen this place before, and I think I'd know if I lived in a desert. Dave and his friends must have stuck me on a random bus as a prank. No big deal, I'll just get to the final stop, find out where I am, and go back home.
I turned to see what we'd hit, and saw some sort of dog lying in the road. I could have sworn it's mouth was messed up, or it had scales or something, but I put this down to travelling at fast speeds and the booze still playing tricks on me. I hope I never see what I thought I saw, because that was just terrifying. “Wake up!” I heard from the front of the bus. That voice sounded too familiar. I started to ask if he'd been talking while I was asleep, but he just started asking whose stop it was. I went to try to get back to sleep, when all of a sudden I had a woman speak to me. I thought it was the lady behind me, but she just seemed to be meditating. What happened next I still can't explain. It was like a hologram appeared in front of me and started talking to me. Either no-one noticed or it was normal business around here. Before I could discuss the implications of appearing like this, she told me to get off the bus. Did she not realise I was lost and had a plan? Or did she just want me to give up any hope of going home. Does this count as kidnapping, actually? Before I knew it, I was stood up, and walking towards the front of the bus. I went to ask the driver whether he was telling me stories while I slept, because that's just creepy, and realised I could ask him about this woman. Before I could decide which to ask, he tells me to get off his bus. Forgetting' his tip, I leave.
Recalling the 'conversation' I just had, the woman told me to meet a small, funny robot who'll guide me to my goal. There was nothing. Well, there was an annoying robot, who was pretty small I guess, but there was no way I was following him. “This way please!” he shouted. I turned away to admire the scenery. I saw a gun on the floor, which was probably rusted to hell. Firing a shot off at the robot, I found it fully worked. Excellent. Walking over to admire the damage, I found that the shot had done no damage to the robot, when I had a thought which terrified me. Maybe this was the robot I was meant to follow. Which meant my 'advisor', for want of a better name, had a terrible sense of humor. Sighing, I followed the robot's instructions. He was saying something about a station which stored my DNA. I must have missed the law passed to build these, as that just sounds like it'd be ripe with misuse. I don't even see the relevance for me. From the way the robot's talking, it'd only be useful if I was planning to be harmed during this trip. Nonetheless, I reluctantly touched the device, which seems like that's all I needed to do. The robot seemed happy. Wait, what was that he said about 'horrific death insurance'? I won't need that, right. Right?!
He didn't answer, and walked off, when all of a sudden I heard a rumbling, and a convoy of cars flew overhead, firing bullets in random directions. Damn, I'm not going to enjoy this trip, am I?
Monday, 26 October 2009
Stop telling me so much about your personailty!
As anyone who knows me will realise, I'm on Facebook quite a lot. In fact, during the times I'm not, it's not uncommon to get a text asking where I am and if I'm ok. Sadly, most of my Facebook time is taken up by people 'fanning' pointless pages. Now I'm all for allowing your profile to show you more about who you are, since Facebook would become rather redundant if it didn't. But do you really need to let people know you're a fan of breathing? You're really a fan of basic bodily functions? What does that even entail? I really hope no-one comes across your page wondering if you like to breath, and find out you have so much in common when they find that you, too, share the same ability as the entirety of our lifeform. The day this happens is the day I voluntarily submit myself for a Darwin Award.
So many pages are set up just to get a high user base. It's like the creators of each page feel the length (Or depth. I don't want to be sexist.) of their genetalia increases with each member they've fooled into thinking "I should become a fan of Shiny Stuff!"
While I'm on the subject, many groups are created in the same vein. The only difference I can see involves a group having a discussion board, allowing you to tell people "Yes, I also enjoy this random thing you thought of one day and had to clog the internet with." There may be more to it, but since I'm not going to join any of these pages to find out, you can find it out for yourself if you dare.
This wasn't as much of a problem in the past, as Facebook never updated you with who was following what. At the time of Facebook's first layout, fanning and groups weren't much of an annoyance as nobody had come up with the idea yet, and half of it wasn't implemented. (I miss those days.) A short update later, and the highlight reel was made public. This had the advantage of hiding on the side of the screen, so that any fannings were sandwiched between drunken pictures of your friends to gawk over. This latest update is the bane of my existence, however.
It's not that I don't like the layout, because I do. I think I'm in a minority of people who either like the layout, or couldn't give a crap how it looks as long as I can talk to people and make plans. It's because of updates like "[Person] and [too many friends] have become a fan of [crap I don't care about]." It's because I can't see what's going on in my friend's lives because I'm too busy filtering though updates about groups which shouldn't see the light of the internet and their respective clones. It's because Facebook can't give me the option to hide these updates. I have to hide all feeds from the person. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't care about what half my friends say. Sure, they've made a few mistakes, what with becoming a fan of "Mcdonalds Should Do Deliveries", but that doesn't mean I should miss out on what flavour soup people are eating each day.
What's so wrong with only becoming a fan of applications you want to keep up to date with? It's a useful service if done well. I'm all for becoming a fan of Firefox so you can stay in the know when they update to a new version. But I urge you, stop telling me you're a fan of laughing when people fall over. Its a pretty redundant statement, since if you don't laugh when people hit the deck, you're probably not human.
So many pages are set up just to get a high user base. It's like the creators of each page feel the length (Or depth. I don't want to be sexist.) of their genetalia increases with each member they've fooled into thinking "I should become a fan of Shiny Stuff!"
While I'm on the subject, many groups are created in the same vein. The only difference I can see involves a group having a discussion board, allowing you to tell people "Yes, I also enjoy this random thing you thought of one day and had to clog the internet with." There may be more to it, but since I'm not going to join any of these pages to find out, you can find it out for yourself if you dare.
This wasn't as much of a problem in the past, as Facebook never updated you with who was following what. At the time of Facebook's first layout, fanning and groups weren't much of an annoyance as nobody had come up with the idea yet, and half of it wasn't implemented. (I miss those days.) A short update later, and the highlight reel was made public. This had the advantage of hiding on the side of the screen, so that any fannings were sandwiched between drunken pictures of your friends to gawk over. This latest update is the bane of my existence, however.
It's not that I don't like the layout, because I do. I think I'm in a minority of people who either like the layout, or couldn't give a crap how it looks as long as I can talk to people and make plans. It's because of updates like "[Person] and [too many friends] have become a fan of [crap I don't care about]." It's because I can't see what's going on in my friend's lives because I'm too busy filtering though updates about groups which shouldn't see the light of the internet and their respective clones. It's because Facebook can't give me the option to hide these updates. I have to hide all feeds from the person. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't care about what half my friends say. Sure, they've made a few mistakes, what with becoming a fan of "Mcdonalds Should Do Deliveries", but that doesn't mean I should miss out on what flavour soup people are eating each day.
What's so wrong with only becoming a fan of applications you want to keep up to date with? It's a useful service if done well. I'm all for becoming a fan of Firefox so you can stay in the know when they update to a new version. But I urge you, stop telling me you're a fan of laughing when people fall over. Its a pretty redundant statement, since if you don't laugh when people hit the deck, you're probably not human.
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Damned memory.
If there's one thing I hate, it's creepy little girls in horror movies. If there's two things I hate, it's that and forgetting the controls of a game. The latter is our topic of choice for this evening.
So I fired up Infinite Undiscovery for the first time since the day I bought it at the beginning of summer. I probably would have had a better time if I hadn't just been pressing A to attack everything which looked at me funny. I knew there were other attacks, and I knew I could connect to characters.....somehow. What i didn't know was the effects of each attack, how to equip it, how to connect to someone and how to use their skills. I took one look at the menus to relearn, but I only learnt what a few moves did. I have no idea what a trait or title does or how to unlock more. Buying items was a hassle, as I had to select the amount of each item I wanted BEFORE I said I wanted to buy it.
This is in no way the fault of the game. All the information is there, and has been told to me before. It's in every way my fault. I tend to do this a lot with games.
"This seems like a good game. That's the tutorial over with, and I've all the information I need! Bring on the first enemy! Wait, it's 2am already? Lectures in the morning I'd better go get some sleep."
*2 months pass*
"Wow, I can't remember the game being this hard. Wait, I'm supposed to Press A here? How do I heal again? This move is too slow, I'm sure I had another attack. How do I revive characters? Why am I the only one lef-...oh I'm dead."
No matter what game it is or how addicted I am to it, I'm going to forget how to play it. Something shinier or an assignment I'm being graded heavily on will makes it's way towards me and the obsession I've been wasting away on will start collecting dust on the shelf. It's happened multiple times over the years. The Sims, Tropico, Halo, GTAIII, Guild Wars, FEAR, and Banjo Kazooie to name a few.
Hopefully I'm not the only one. Until I can upload game mechanics to my brain, I'm going to keep forgetting them.
So I fired up Infinite Undiscovery for the first time since the day I bought it at the beginning of summer. I probably would have had a better time if I hadn't just been pressing A to attack everything which looked at me funny. I knew there were other attacks, and I knew I could connect to characters.....somehow. What i didn't know was the effects of each attack, how to equip it, how to connect to someone and how to use their skills. I took one look at the menus to relearn, but I only learnt what a few moves did. I have no idea what a trait or title does or how to unlock more. Buying items was a hassle, as I had to select the amount of each item I wanted BEFORE I said I wanted to buy it.
This is in no way the fault of the game. All the information is there, and has been told to me before. It's in every way my fault. I tend to do this a lot with games.
"This seems like a good game. That's the tutorial over with, and I've all the information I need! Bring on the first enemy! Wait, it's 2am already? Lectures in the morning I'd better go get some sleep."
*2 months pass*
"Wow, I can't remember the game being this hard. Wait, I'm supposed to Press A here? How do I heal again? This move is too slow, I'm sure I had another attack. How do I revive characters? Why am I the only one lef-...oh I'm dead."
No matter what game it is or how addicted I am to it, I'm going to forget how to play it. Something shinier or an assignment I'm being graded heavily on will makes it's way towards me and the obsession I've been wasting away on will start collecting dust on the shelf. It's happened multiple times over the years. The Sims, Tropico, Halo, GTAIII, Guild Wars, FEAR, and Banjo Kazooie to name a few.
Hopefully I'm not the only one. Until I can upload game mechanics to my brain, I'm going to keep forgetting them.
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Losses
Today has been a day of losses. Thankfully, all voluntarily, but losses nonetheless. First off, there was the loss of £1050 from my account. Ok, it means I get a place to keep my pants, but it also means I have less to spend on the games I don't need, or even want.
Secondly, I allowed a complete stranger to ask me personal questions and stab me twice with needles. Yes, I have joined the elitest group of people who give away their bodily fluids for free. Sort of like a prostitute, but with less business sense. I'm writing this thing while waiting for the light-headedness to kick in, meaning any gibberish can easily be explained away and you won't know any different. Success! I'm sure the whole reward of giving blood is just being able to act weird and have no-one think anything negative towards you. I can work with this.
The not-updating excuse this time is: *drumroll* UNI!
I somehow managed to pass second year, move house, move to a different place when getting back to Preston, and socialise with people. Also managed to get a hold of Batman: Arkham Asylum, one of the best games I've had the pleasure of beating for a while. Not only did it keep me hooked for well over a week, but it also got me digging out Batman comics from all over the internet.
I'd just like to say, the first Batman story (Detective Comics #27 I think) is terrible. The first few stories are so laughably bad I have no idea how they gained their popularity. So glad they did though.
Also, fgkjepoudfshvoifdvghs*collapse*
Secondly, I allowed a complete stranger to ask me personal questions and stab me twice with needles. Yes, I have joined the elitest group of people who give away their bodily fluids for free. Sort of like a prostitute, but with less business sense. I'm writing this thing while waiting for the light-headedness to kick in, meaning any gibberish can easily be explained away and you won't know any different. Success! I'm sure the whole reward of giving blood is just being able to act weird and have no-one think anything negative towards you. I can work with this.
The not-updating excuse this time is: *drumroll* UNI!
I somehow managed to pass second year, move house, move to a different place when getting back to Preston, and socialise with people. Also managed to get a hold of Batman: Arkham Asylum, one of the best games I've had the pleasure of beating for a while. Not only did it keep me hooked for well over a week, but it also got me digging out Batman comics from all over the internet.
I'd just like to say, the first Batman story (Detective Comics #27 I think) is terrible. The first few stories are so laughably bad I have no idea how they gained their popularity. So glad they did though.
Also, fgkjepoudfshvoifdvghs*collapse*
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