Where words go to die

I don't have a clever title: Games I've been playing

2012-01-10T23:24:00.000Z

I'm bored and can't be bothered playing any games right now, so let's talk about games instead. (It's a very specific level of boredom.)

Last month I got a copy of Jurassic Park: The Game after hyping myself up for it for months. I loved the films and was really interested in seeing how Telltale Games, the masterminds behind Tales of Monkey Island, were going to turn that into a game. Solution: They made a film. Actually, it's a game based on quicktime events, much like Heavy Rain, which I was sceptical of at first. From the trailers I got more of an open world adventure sort of feel, but now I'm sort of glad they went with this. It was a very linear story where you have little to no freedom in how the story progresses and you're just there to watch events unfold. You know, like a film. The weird thing? It works and I enjoyed every minute of it. Sure, walking around the park and exploring the labs would have been cool, but what I really wanted was a new Jurassic Park film and I got it.
(Full disclosure, I used my "sorry we delayed the game, here's a code for any item in our store for free" code to get the game so I didn't pay as much as you would normally. Whether this is shifting my opinion is up to you to decide. Though I still got the deluxe version (so right next to me I have a box of goodies like an InGen Security Pass and park pamphlet) so it wasn't totally free.)

Of course, like everyone else on the planet, I've been playing Skyrim. A little later than everyone else but I'll be damned if it wasn't worth the wait. I didn't think I'd be all that into it since I could never play Oblivion or Morrowind for more than an hour at a time, but there's something about it which makes me keep playing. There's so much I don't like about the game. The voice acting is, at times, awful, the interface is terrible with a keyboard and mouse, a lot of the quests get repetative really fast, and there's not as large a weapon selection as I'd like. However, it's still all I've been playing during any bouts of free time since Christmas. I think it's the ability to pick a direction, start walking, and find something cool which has me hooked. I did the same in Fallout 3 and New Vegas which I still say are great games which I've wasted so much of my life on. There's also a ton of mods to help fix any problem I have while travelling through Skyrim. Every time I go to boot up the game I pause, head to the Nexus, and see if anything cool has been added in the last hour since I was last looking. Turn out most of the time the answer is yes.

I loved Minecraft when it first came out. It was easily my most played game for quite some time but then something else appeared. It didn't look like much at first. Out of nowhere people started mentioning Terraria, and it seemed quite quaint but like a 2D Minecraft rip off (which I was terribly wrong about by the way.). But then I started playing. Oh boy did I start playing. Soon I was taking frequent trips to hell to fight demons and summoning the Eye of Cthulhu just for laughs. After a time I'd acquired a sizeable amount of loot, weapons and armour and was getting bored. And then came the updates. Re-Logic knew exactly what I wanted. I suspect they hid microphones in every copy of the game to pick up every "You know what this game needs?" uttered by the players since I spent Christmas fighting off waves of snowmen gangsters while dressed as a lightsaber-wielding Santa.

I've also been playing Farm Simulator 2011 recently. There's not much to say about it except I'd make a terrible farmer. Too much to pay in damages once I try taking my tractor into oncoming traffic while laughing manically.

Top of the year to you.

2011-12-31T15:35:00.000Z

So it's that time of year again. The end of it. The time to reflect on the last 12 months of your life before going and getting so drunk you can't remember the last 14. It's also the time of year when everyone starts listing the best things of the year. So here's me jumping on that bandwagon! (For curiosity's sake I rolled a d10 to get how many entries there are in each section.)

In no specific order, my top everything of 2011:

Top 9 Games:
- Terraria
- Batman: Arkham City
- Magicka
- Back To The Future: The Game
- Bulletstorm
- L.A. Noire
- Rock of Ages
- Tropico 4
- Saints Row: The Third

(No, Skyrim isn't on this list. I only got it last week and so far I have a pitiful playtime total.)

Worst 4 Games:
- Homefront
- Duke Nukem Forever
- Bodycount
- Dead Island

Top 6 Albums:
- White Rabbit - Egypt Central
- Imaginaerium - Nightwish
- Ukon Wacka - Korpiklaani
- Press X To Rock - Miracle of Sound
- American Capitalist - Five Finger Death Punch
- Deconstruction - Devin Townsend

Top 4 Songs:
- Tequila - Korpiklaani
- White Rabbit - Egypt Central
- Shipwrecked - Alestorm
- Primo Victoria (Sabaton cover) - Van Canto

I've got Balls of Steel

2011-06-13T17:22:00.002+01:00

Today my copy of Duke Nukem Forever finally arrived. Along with it, the Balls of Steel collector's edition since I don't know what 'saving money' means. One thing I noticed when it arrived was the size of the box. That statue must have been bigger than I expected!

Looks full to the brim, right? Yeah, not so much.

After pulling out the huge amounts of wrapping and adverts it looked more like this.

Not as fancy as I first expected, but hey! It's Duke Nukem Forever! My inner child remembers the days of alien massacres and is psyched to finally own this thing.

I guessed the statue would have been that small even though my dad laughed at how puny it was. The collector's edition cost £15 more than the game on its own so I wasn't expecting a work of art or anything. I'm pretty glad with how it looks next to my batarang.

As for everything else in there, take a look.

All in all, I'm pleased with what I got. The game doesn't seem too bad, though the loading screens are a bastard. I may do a write up about it once I've played more. Until then, I'll leave you with the huge amounts of rubbish it gave me.

Home is where the front is.

2011-03-22T01:13:00.000Z

For my birthday this year I got Homefront. Actually, due to crappy delivery times it nearly turned out to be my Christmas present but that's another story for another time. So for some reason it was released over here about four days after the US release. I don't know if the internet had to book a plane to Europe and had problems or whether the US just wanted to test the game out first to make sure it wouldn't give us any ideas, but whatever the reason those four days became a mix of reading reviews and avoiding spoilers. From what I could gather I was ready to expect a mediocre single player campaign with a decent multiplayer mode to justify the price tag. I should have been expecting a terrible campaign all along. Now, bear in mind I stopped playing after the third chapter. Some may say it's wrong to judge a game without completing it but if I've stopped playing at the start of the game and have no desire to carry on then there is something seriously wrong in its implementation.
Thankfully, I'm here to tell you what, specifically.

For instance, your teammates are utterly useless. To see how well their AI was I crouched behind some cover and watched. For a full two minutes. One lay holding her stomach and the other pointed his gun menacingly at the enemy, firing only five shots, all of which missed. If it wasn't for their plot armour or the enemy's disinterest in anything that isn't the player character I'd wonder how anything resembling a resistance managed to survive this long.

While we're on the subjects of teammates, they seem to have a strange infatuation with the player, as anytime I was aiming at an enemy and lining up the perfect shot they came running over looking for a hug. Now I'm all for raising morale during a war, but when you're telling a guy to help take down some enemy troops, rubbing your butt in his face so he can't see probably isn't going to help.

In a similar vein, they're always pushing you about. Homefront uses the style of storytelling where everyone stands around talking instead of loading cutscenes every two seconds. This usually means that certain people have to be in certain spots and God help you if you're in someone's way. You'll get pushed out of the way and in to a wall by an approaching NPC. This can't even be countered by staying far back enough, since the talking won't start until you're a certain distance away from everything. I can't count the amount of times I've been waiting for someone to open the next door only to find I needed to be a little bit more to the left.

Your character is the most gentleman like specimen to ever be in a video game. There are points where you need to go up a ladder, down a hole, or over a ledge. At these points, you have to wait for EVERY single member of the team to do so first, while you wait patiently for the prompt to appear telling you it's your turn. This will occur even if you get there first, which will happen a lot due to the NPCs never being in a hurry and wanting to take in the sights. Expect this a great deal, since most of the game is following people to the next area. Also, I don't know if it's a bug or bad timing on my part, but sometimes if I'm close to a ledge, I need to walk away and go back toward it before the prompt will appear.

Your NPC friends are also very impatient, and after telling you what you need to do next they'll repeat it ad nauseum so you don't forget. This wouldn't be too bad, except they think you have very bad short term memory and will remind you every 5 seconds. The same line in the same tone every 5 seconds. I think the stress of war is less about the bullets and more about the irritation.

One chapter asks you to provide cover, use a targeting system and jump off the roof all within the space of 5 seconds. Then you have to run to a jeep. It doesn't actually tell you to run to the jeep, so much as shout at you for being so caught up with shooting bad guys while the jeep has started driving away right after you jump off the roof. This is where I realised that throughout the game so far I'd kept dying at key spots and had to learn from my mistakes and learn where every enemy is and what route I have to take. The game was no longer about skill but about memory.

Yes, I realise that this post has been mostly a gripe at the AI, but really there's not a lot I can complain about gameplay wise. This is not necessarily a compliment. Everything I've seen so far has been done already, and done better in similar games. Maybe there's something I'm missing later on in the game that'll blow my mind, but going by what I've heard online and from my dad's experience with the game I don't hold out much hope.

I've only played a few matches in multiplayer mode so far, so I'm still optimistic about that one. My main gripe is due to my constant dying but I think I can chalk that up to a severe lack of skill rather than anything to do with the game.

Dragon Age POO!

2011-03-17T12:26:00.003Z

I'm so sorry for the title.

It's no secret that I loved the first Dragon Age. (The game, not the time period.) It was a no brainer to buy the sequel once it had been released, so I figured I may as well make notes while I'm playing to discuss the changes made. Sadly my notes turned out to be a ton of bitching about how bad some aspects of the game are. Enjoy!
(Bear in mind, I've played 17 hours at time of writing, and am nearing the end of the ~~third~~ second 'Act' as it were. Some of these points may improve later, but from what I've heard that's very unlikely.)

- This skill tree isn't too good. I liked the amount of choice and skills in the original. This one has a lot less of both.

- Why are enemies spawning right in front of me? It really destroys any strategy when you've places glyphs and dealt with certain enemies only to have more spawn right in front of your face, not two inches from where you're currently standing. Even if strategy isn't your strong point, it's really disorienting to see bandits popping out of nowhere or climbing out of the ground.

- Some NPCs don't know when to shut up. I walk past and they spout some dialogue. Then they say the exact same thing 2 seconds later because apparently I'm still within range.

- A minor point, but why is everyone calling me Serah? I keep reading it as Sarah. I realise the need for your character to have a title (DA:Origins had Ser when not being called Grey Warden) but Serah just sounds weird. Though it does mean I can put it as my first name and pretend everyone's calling me by name.

- I just picked something up in a cave and immediately knew who owns it. One instance lead to a strange dialogue exchange.
About someone's remains: "You seem to have dropped this"
"Oh my, I never thought I'd see this again"
Or the time I stole alcohol from The Viscount's office and gave it to an Elf in Lowtown who said he'd lost it. What?

- Why is there only one heal spell which takes ages to regen? One mage isn't allowed to even learn it. On a similar note, if I use a potion, why can't I use another restorative item? Elfroot potion is different to a health potion. Is the game afraid I'll overdose on life?

- A soverign seems a lot ~~more~~* less than it used to be. Bribing someone just cost me 5 soverigns. When I'm trying to save up, this isn't the best way to go about it.

* Don't know what I was thinking with that. I was probably drunk.

- I have a ton of armour, but I can only eqiup armour on myself. Companions have an armour set you can buy which is automatically equipped and can't be customised. This means most of the loot you'll find is useless, since it's either worse than what you have or not for your character class.

- Why are all the amulets and rings just called amulets and rings? There's no indication of what each one does(unless it's special), so I have to hover over each one one at a time.

- There are doors and connecting corridors on the map, but no way to open some doors. Makes the whole thing sort of confusing when trying to navigate a mansion or something.

- Why are people locking chests with nothing in them but torn pants?

- If a companion is in my party why do I have to go to their house to then have a conversation about how long it's been since they've seen me? We just killed some bandits not 5 minutes ago! Don't you remember that?

-Why can't I teleport out of an area like in the original? (Admittedly, only certain areas allowed this, but it was still better than nothing.) Do I really have to backtrack my way through this cave? I've killed everything here. This is boring.

-I just got asked to find some people who followed me on a quest. That was three years ago. You couldn't have come to me sooner?

-I don't know if I'm missing it but there's no 'camp' screen, where I can scroll through each party member and sort out their weapons. It seems I have to put each member into my party one by one.

- I just travelled to my house to have conversation options appear without the conversation going on. I had no idea who I was talking to or what the context was. (Thankfully, saying 'You're cute' seemed to make them happy. A life lesson. If you have no idea what's going on, just say that and hope you're talking to someone you're attracted to.)

- If I'm attacking an enemy and they move away I just...stop. Do I really have to tell the great, experienced warrior that the enemy isn't dead yet and needs more stabbing?

So far I prefer Dragon Age: Origins to Dragon Age II. Again, I've not completed the game so it might improve. Then again it might get worse. Here's hoping for the former.

No content here. Move along.

2011-01-28T17:05:00.000Z

Wow, it's been a while since I've had anything of value to put here. November, last year, 2010, three months. Long time.
Anyway, to all zero of you who care or want to know why there's been nothing new here in a while I shall explain. I've been too busy jobhunting and screwing over my sleeping pattern. Everytime I went to write something entertaining it fell apart due to either tiredness or lack of ideas. After a while I had an idea. "Hey, wait. If I'm having trouble writing, why write at all?" So from there formed an idea to ~~rip off everyone else on the internet~~ record a Let's Play. Now I doubt I could speak for however long per episode and still be interesting, so I enlisted the help of a friend to fill in the gaps. Any idea I talk about before it comes to fruition usually crashes and burns in the planning stages, but with any luck we should have a couple of episodes recorded and online soon.
If the miracle fairy is smiling down upon us there might also be some more written projects once I've found a game I can poke enough fun at.
So yeah, no new content YET. No humour YET. A new project SOON. I need to go EAT.

The moment I realised I'm going to hell

2010-11-19T22:27:00.000Z

Zombie outbreaks are hard enough. Zombie outbreaks in 1911 are something completely different. They've not had the luxury of movies telling us exactly what can happen and they certainly don't have any contigency plans for when the dead rise from their graves. Even so, Red Dead Redemption's latest DLC entitled 'Undead Nightmare' releases a zombie plague upon the citizens of the American West to see what'll happen. Within no time at all, long-dead relatives are ripping the flesh of their once loved ones with everyone blaming the immigrants, Jews, God and anyone else they seem to take a disliking to that day. Everyone is turning on each other, supplies are low, and the constant threat of death has everyone a little on edge. It doesn't take long for the number of survivors to dwindle with each passing day, which is where my story starts.
Upon hearing about a legendary horse, I hopped upon my soon-to-be-redundant steed and made way for Perdido to start the hunt. It wasn't too long ago since I'd saved a town from being overrun, so my ammo was running a bit low. Imagine my suprise when I found a camp up ahead with a box full of ammo. Now the guy had just managed to find some food, and was just remarking on how lucky he was that he hadn't gone insane yet and politely asked if i wanted to sit for a while and share some food. Silently, I made my way past and opened the box of ammo and took everything I could find. Understandably, the guy saw this breach of trust and took it upon himself to kill me and take back his supplies. Since I'd been anticipating a horse appearing at any minute, my lasso was the 'weapon' I had equipped and within seconds I had the guy disarmed and hogtied. He started begging for mercy and freedom, but I ignored everything he said while lifting him on my back and carrying a way out near a crowd of zombies. Reaching into my pack, I found a bottle of undead bait, threw it on the ground quite close to the guy and watched as some of the undead noticed the intriguing smell. I whistled for my horse and rode off away from the screams and sobbing.
I've shot my own horse so I could sell its skin. I've lassoed nuns and dropped them onto train tracks. I've killed men while their spouses watched. However, this act of torture is the act I'm pretty sure Satan is going to remind me about when he's setting up my room in the underworld.

A new review for a new Fallout in New Vegas.

2010-10-30T17:55:00.002+01:00

So whatever happened to the Fallout playthrough? Well it got to the point where nothing was happening and all the jokes I made seemed forced or weren't actually that funny. I always have a problem with similar projects where I know how to start it, I know how to end it, but it's the middle that screws me over. So who knows, I might make another few posts sometime down the line once I've figured out what I want to happen, but not right now. No, right now is for talking about a similar game. (I say similar in the same way that Vanilla Coke is similar to Coke, in the fact that it's more or less the same thing but with some improvements.)

Today's topic is, you've guessed it, Fallout: New Vegas. Also known as Fallout 3-2.

My dad and I both got a copy each when it was released last Thursday and since then we've barely talked about anything that wasn't related to the wasteland. The main reason for this is the size of the game. You start walking in one direction and all of a sudden you discover a town with a lot of loot, a small populace, a questline and some enemies to sort out. Each town has its own little quirks and some of the people are genuinely interesting. For example, a gang full of Elvis impersonators. The amount of things to see and places to go always astounds me as I can sit down to complete a quest, and 5 hours later I've picked up 4 others, discovered a few places and gotten no further in the storyline. Obsidian Entertainment have produced a huge environment you can wander around for hours on end.

The main plot of the game seems a lot shorter than Fallout 3, though it makes up with slightly better writing. Without wanting to spoil too much, the majority of the plot is based on revenge and power rather than F3's "Let's catch up with daddy for no good reason and see what's happening." The plot was a lot more interesting and for once you feel like you're actually making a difference, rather than just following the people in charge and watching them work while you kill some enemies.

The companions you can acquire have also improved, as they do not care about your karma when joining and give you a temporary perk while they are in your party. After a time, a member might ask you to do a certain questline which improves the perk in the same way Mass Effect 2 manages your crew members. Mechanics aside, each personality has their own charm. Whether it's Veronica's jokes or ED-E's use of music to tell you enemies are here there's a lot of fun to be had with each one. Plus, Danny Trejo and Felicia Day play Raul and Veronica, respectively. And yes, you get a dog in this game as well. Let me be the first to say that he's much better than Dogmeat, and I loved that dog.

Even the character creation is improved. You wake up after an attack and check the good doctor who saves you put your face in the right place and didn't mess around with that brain of yours. It's a less traumatic scene than watching your birth and then the loss of a parent. And I have to add that the tutorial is vastly improved, since you can actually skip it this time. The joy I felt when I saw the option to [SKIP TUTORIAL] was insurmountable. Although, if you do go through with it it only lasts about 5 minutes and you get a few extra caps to start you off, so don't be expecting another half hour long vault opening.

In terms of weapons, the game brings back some of your old favourites such as the Fatman and the Flamer and then adds to the collection. There are tons of added weapons, and each now gets their own mods to go with it. Depending on the mod, these can reduce the spread or reduce the weight, or even increase the ammo capacity.

New Vegas has a lot less perks than Fallout 3, and makes up for this by offering one every second level, which can get quite annoying when you have to wait longer to get the next. From the few perks you're offered it isn't a bad selection, with the exception of the traits during character creation.

Hardcore mode was added to the game for those who wanted a bigger challenge. Instead, it adds an annoyance. Sleep, Hunger, and Thirst are now measured and increase over time, meaning after sleeping for a long period of time or walking halfway across the map you'll be thirsty. This decreases certain skills in the same way radiation poisoning works, so it's best to weigh yourself down with food and water rather than weapons. Speaking of which, ammo also weighs you down and certain calibres have different weights. If you want to carry missiles around, you'd better not plan on having anything else at all in your pack or walking anywhere anytime soon. Stimpacks now heal over time rather than giving you health on the spot, so combat becomes a lot more about strategizing when to use health boosts. Companions are no longer invulnerable and can be killed during combat, meaning that quest you just spent the past hour on is gone thanks to one gang member and a lead pipe. I'll admit hardcore mods was fun at times, as it added an extra layer of difficulty, but more often than not the fact that I couldn't pick up any loot because of my ammo hoarding annoyed me. (Although the achievement was totally worth it.)

By now if you've read anything about the game it'll be about the various bugs and glitches in the game. I know only too well that the game has it's fair share of problems. Hell, it took me almost 4 hours just to get the thing running. The game has crashed many times while just walking down the road and some strange behaviour in the AI doesn't help with the immersion. Going into this I knew there were going to be annoyances such as these, but I realise some people aren't as tolerant of bugs, so beware of them. The good news is that the developers are busy releasing patches and working to get rid of the bugs.

It may sound like I spent a lot of time talking about how much better this game is than Fallout 3, but thats because there's not a whole lot of new content. Sure, there's improved content, but if you've played and enjoyed Fallout 3 it's more of the same, which is not entirely a bad thing.

Let's Play: Fallout 3 (Part 3)

2010-08-29T13:17:00.002+01:00

UPDATE: So it turns out the service I was using to upload these pictures suddenly realised it didn't want to do its intended job. Now I have to check my PC to find the pictures, re-upload them and change the links. Which is hard since I'm at a friend's at the opposite end of the country. With any luck I'll find them and get this looking pretty sometime soon. Until then, feel free to fill in the blanks with whatever images you see fit.

Last time, I decided that Megaton had overstayed its welcome. Thankfully, a guy I'd known for the whole of 5 seconds had given me a device which would detonate the bomb in the centre of town so...you know...yay. How he decides that a guy who hasn't even seen night-time yet gets to destroy a town is beyond me but I'm not going to question the guy giving me caps. Anyway, the journey across the wasteland begins.

I'm pretty sure I won't.

...Right after I buy everything in sight. Doing a one eighty, I head back in to Megaton and go straight for the shop. Soon this will be a pile of rubble, and rubble doesn't go for much of a profit so I've heard. Walking through the gates I hear more murmuring about me from the citizens. I'm not sure if they've heard the rumours, saw me affix the bomb, or are wondering why I came back after running away cackling not one minute ago. I don't make eye contact with anyone and head up the ramps to get some supplies. Lucas Simms eyes me up as I walk out and give the town a glance for what I hope to be my last time.
“Have a nice day, sheriff.”
I hope he doesn't pick up on my laughing. He stops. Shit. You know what I don't do enough of? Running away.

Thankfully I make it outside without someone opening fire, so I'm considering this a victory. It occurs to me that Burke never told me where Tenpenny tower actually was, so here I am outside of Megaton with no idea where to go. Again. Standing here won't help any, so I start walking in a random direction, because that worked so well for me last time.

After a while walking, I realised I've not eaten since last night. Lets see, I have...nothing. Crap. What's this? A house? Well it's the only one standing for a good mile, so I'm calling dibs! I walk inside and spot a kitchen! An honest to God kitchen! It has an oven and everything! Just before I can revel in my amazing good luck, I spot someone else sat at the table.

Looks like somebody doesn't know how dibs works.

“Who are you?”

“No-one you need pay attention to. Just show me where I can sleep and I'll be on my way.”

“You...you're serious? I don't even know you. There's no way I'm letting a stranger stay here, you could kill me in my sleep”
“I can do you one better than that!”

Murdered for a kitchen. I do not have issues.

And that's the story of how I gained a small, worthless house.

Zak Stoneball: Homeowner

So after a good night's sleep, some actual food, and some time listening to the God-awful radio, I thought it best to go and find Tenpenny Towers. Damn, I can't remember what direction Burke said the place was now. North? I think it was North. Let's head North!

A few hours later I see a bridge. Rather than wading through irradiated water again, I think it best to walk across. When I get to the top, I wish I'd have taken the water. Apparently there's a town built on the top of this crumbling bridge, which makes me think Megaton had the better idea. At the entrance to this town there's a guy aiming a rifle at me and a mine which goes off, further strengthening my idea that radiation would have been safer.

“Hang on, you're not one of them. I nearly blasted you in two.”

Gee, good to see the town guard is observant. His blindness actually makes a whole lot of sense, seen as he probably thought this bridge was a great place to live.

He wants a word with me, and it seems that townspeople have been disappearing and they want my help.

“Help costs caps”
“Do I look like I just stepped out of Tenpenny Tower?”

No, but if you know where it is that's be much appreciated.

First mission: Go check on the townspeople. Not exactly the daring quest I'd imagined, but it'll do for now. I'm new at this and need experience.

The first house tells me this isn't going to be easy. Upon walking inside the guy tells me to get out and leave him and his wife alone. Ok, so maybe you don't want to be saved. Fine, stay here to die.

"Your husband's a douche. It's his fault you're going to be dead soon."

Everyone's fine in the next house. I wonder if the last place has any food. Or caps. I'm not getting paid for this, so there had better be some generous people here. All I've seen so far are crazy ladies and douche husbands.

I walk inside and see...corpses. Lots and lots of corpses. With blood. Everywhere. Man I hope I don't get blamed for this. “It was like that when I got here” seems too cliché. Ah well, better steal their stuff (The stuff without bloodstains) and go tell the guard that he's doing a crap job. Oh hey, those beds look comfy.

If this doesn't look like a good place to rest, I don't know what does.

…

Seven hours later I talk to the guard and tell him the family's dead.

“So where have you been for the past seven hours?”

“I got tired.”

“Oh, you slept at the West's place?”
“Yeah. Oh, that reminds me, they're all dead. It wasn't me. Actually, it was like that when I got there.”
“What?! So...you went around to everyone's house, found a murdered family, FELL ASLEEP, and came back seven hours after I put you on an urgent mission to check on three houses?”
“That about sums it up yeah. Are you sure you're not going to pay me for this? I did a good job I think.”

“Jesus, I don't know where to...I mean...you slept next to their...how did they die?”
“Wolves? I don't know, I barely looked. They were all icky”

Needless to say, I don't think my excuses went down well, and he sent me off to find a missing member of the family. By that I mean he told me the names of three places and pointed. I don't think people in this place realise I've not been outside before, never mind scouted everywhere to find every little place people mention.

I see finding Tenpenny Towers has been put off for a while until I find this guy. I really hope somebody else doesn't come and blow up Megaton while I'm gone. I wonder how long Burke can wait.

Next time: CSI: Wasteland.

Let's Play: Fallout 3 (Part 2)

2010-08-15T10:58:00.001+01:00

The last time we left our murdering hero, he was pondering what to do now that the vault is a not too distant memory. Selling some loot sounds like the best option for now.

So I'm standing here with 12 different vault jumpsuits and a load of assorted junk. (Where is Zak holding this stuff anyway?) It'd probably be better to turn this into currency since I've not even had breakfast yet. While looking for a way to open the overseer's office, there was an entry on Megaton. That seems as best a place as any to start, so let's go!

…

Um...Where's Megaton? My Pip-Boy just says to go there. Does it not realise that this is my first time outside? Well...I guess I'll start walking...this way? Maybe? Screw it, following the road seems like a good idea. I stumble upon a vending machine with 2 bottles of Nuka Cola. I down both bottles before realising they've probably been there for over 200 years, which makes me feel a little queasy.

Further down the road is a school. Hopefully they'll have some sort of map or someone to ask directions.

What a friendly looking place.

“Hello!” My cries echo off the walls. Damn, no-one home. Throughout the corridors are badly mutilated corpses and skeletons in cages. Blood smears the walls and the building is falling apart. Good to see the schools didn't change in the nuclear blasts then.

Inside a classroom is a girl, not much older than me. “Hi, I'm lost. Can you help?”

“Haha, fresh meat boys!”

I wasn't aware there were any 'boys' before I turned around to run and saw a guy with a pipe in his hand. He didn't look like a plumber, so I'm pretty sure he wanted to introduce the pipe to my face. That would have been a conflict of interests, so my first kill in the wasteland followed not soon after. Then my second.

Pictured: Justice.

Well my plan to empty some space is failing, since now their stuff is weighing me down now. I'd better go find that Megaton place.

I high tail it out the doors, shouting out “I'll be back to SCHOOL you all another time!” Note to self: Kill everyone next time so there'll be no-one left to remember that awful pun.

After more searching, I finally reach Megaton, and JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THAT?!

It's like Satan impregnated my nightmares.

If that's what I've got to fight, I'm going back to the vault. Amata never said anything about fighting demonic insects when she said I have to escape. Actually, she didn't say much besides don't kill anybody, so I guess this is karma. Anyway, I make my way inside what looks like a giant metal boob and suddenly wish I was back at the school. The school didn't look like a crater in the ground, and that building actually had a roof.

Wasteland paradise, apparently.

According to the sheriff there's a shop here, so for now I guess I won't shoot up the place. Plus I heard talk of a bar, and they didn't have alcohol in the vault. I really hope they don't ID.

After stepping into Craterside Supply I regretted my decision. The shopkeeper's voice was so annoying I think I may have to wear ear plugs next time. She's just lucky to have a guard or all her stuff would need a new owner.

The voice of an angel, if the angel had been smacked in the knackers.

After loading all of my stuff onto her, I go outside to see what people do for entertainment here, since I hadn't really thought this far on. Amata told me to find my dad, but he left strict instructions not to follow him, so I'll leave that deadbeat alone to abandon his only son. Looking around I see a café, a bar, a few houses and IS THAT A BOMB?! That's seriously a bomb. A working one? After hunting down the sheriff again I ask if he's insane.

See?

Apparently these people have a church centred around this thing. I've heard crazier religions, but there's still something off putting about the whole thing. Somehow I end up telling the guy I'll disarm the bomb and after a slip of the tongue, I think we somehow came upon the conclusion that I was doing it out of the goodness of my own heart. He ran away before I could correct him. Clever guy. So, down to the crater I go. “Don't mind me, pretend I'm not here!” I say to the crazies praying to this thing. The preacher doesn't bat an eyelid, but I do hear some murmuring from the rest of his people. Apparently they think I'm weird. Figures.

After standing in the irradiated water for Lord knows how long, I realise I don't know anything about bomb disposal. This doesn't really bother me, since I'm not getting paid for this ordeal anyway, so I go to the bar to get wrecked and to see what 200 year old scotch tastes like.

My third shock of the day came when I walked inside and saw a corpse working behind the bar. I wasn't aware that this was the zombie apocalypse. I must have been staring since Stubbs calls me out and asks if I want something. I manage to murmur something about a drink before he tells me what he is and who he is. I should have been paying attention but I spent the majority of the conversation wondering how his vocal chords still worked while the rest of him was just decayed flesh.

Does he charge in brains instead of caps?

A few drinks later and the beer goggles began to settle in. He wasn't so bad. I mean anyone who gets me drunk is alright in my book. And how did what's left of his skin stay there? Does it peel off? In chunks or in slithers? Before I had time to explore these disturbing thoughts further, a guy calls me over and asks if I want to do a job for him. There was talk of a bomb and talk of Megaton and talk of destruction. It may have been the booze talking, but it seemed a marvellous idea! It's get those images of Gob out of my head for one, and hopefully destroy squeaky-woman once and for all. First Megaton, then the world! Although this is some pretty good Vodka, and it'd be a shame to waste it all. This place isn't so bad really. I mean, the female to male ratio is pretty decent, and I'm told there's an empty house I could probably buy. This decision will need a few more drinks before I can make my choice.

I awoke the next morning with pants around my head, 120 caps lighter and a strange woman next to me. “Morning, Tiny”

SHE KNOWS TOO MUCH.

I don't know if it was the anger or the fear of gossip which drove me to affix the detonation device onto the bomb, but there was certainly no doubt in my mind. Megaton would burn. I wanted to hang a banner saying 'Blame Nova' but I couldn't find any ink.

Oh well, time to go meet Burke and make my mark on this wasteland. Or at least take one off.

Let's Play: Fallout 3 (Part 1)

2010-08-11T04:00:00.001+01:00

Fallout 3 is one of those games where I start playing at 1pm when I have a bit of free time and close the game next Wednesday. I know it has some pretty big flaws, like a terrible story, glitches and characters who are just clones of everyone else in the wasteland, but there's something about it which hooks me. I try not to focus on the story too often and revel in the exploration, spending hours walking from one side of the map to the other, just to see a place I've not been to yet.

It's for this reason I've chosen to start a Let's Play with this game, something I've toyed with in the past but never came to fruition.

There are quite a few mods I've installed with the game, but for the purposes of this playthrough, I've turned off all but Fellout, Burnification, and Amplified Cripple Effects. The first two to help give better screenshots, and the last because I like having to crawl away when both my legs are broken. As far as mods go, these few are pretty stable, but should they cause a problem and need removing I'll let you know.

I own all the DLC so if there's an enemy or weapon I mention which you've not seen, that may be why. As for which DLC I'm going to go through, if any, I've not decided yet. It all depends on how much material the game itself is providing me with.

With all that out of the way, Let's Play Fallout 3.

Fallout 3 starts you off in a unique way, in that you're literally pushed into the world via birth. As a child you're asked to name your character, as well as give yourself a gender and appearance. I think this is asking a little too much, but I strive on and birth Zak Stoneball into the world. He fashions a bright blue mohawk, and equally amusing facial hair.

If your hair isn't colourful and wacky, you're not doing the apocalypse right.

Before Zak can tell his dad any other personal details any father should already know, his mother starts to feel a bit unwell and you're rushed off into the back before you watch your mother die. No, you don't get XP for this.

This starts the tutorial where you go through the key events in your life in excruciating detail.

First on the agenda, learning to walk. At the age of one I walk to dear old daddy, who doesn't seem the least bit interested in Zak's ability to jump up and down, but I guess he's a man of priorities. Showing a very negligent attitude towards parenting he then forgets to lock Zak's playpen as he leaves the room. This gives you the chance to go and get up to all sorts of nefarious deeds like OH DAMMIT! The door's locked. I guess he's smarter than we think. Ah well, let's take the time to sort out our stats. With a name like Stoneball I want to be able to crush men with my fists, so that's Strength getting priority. Plus carrying extra weight is always a plus.

I really wanted to put all the points into Strength.

Nothing else important happens in this tutorial except for some slight character development, so I'll skip forward to the GOAT exam. Sadly this is more about questions to develop your stats and less about farmyard animals. The way to the exam room is littered with loot (doctor's tools) which tease me by dissapearing from my inventory after the next life event. You'd think I'd be able to keep it all in a drawer for when I leave the vault in three years time. Actually, at the rate this tutorial is going that three years may as well be realtime instead of in-game. Anyway, GOAT.

Zak wakes up three years later to find his dad has left the vault. Needing to escape (I don't know why, since you're not the one who broke out) I pick up the weapons on my table and take a pistol Zak's childhood friend, Amata, gives me. Promising to use it only as a last resort while simultaneously checking how much ammo I have, I get ready to kill some guards and escape this horribly lit place.

The first of many guards who inexplicably die while I'm in the vicinity.

Butch, the school bully, comes up to me asking me to save his mother. This is the same Butch who punched me because I wouldn't give him my birthday present nine years prior. After I stop laughing, I say I'll help. This is only because I want his jacket.

Sadly there was no option to tell him to eat a dick.

After 'accidently' missing 5 times his mum falls to the ground in what I presume to be thanks. I take her clothes as a reward.

The bat slipped. Multiple times. It was the Radroach's fault!

I go to tell Butch the good news, that I cleared the infestation, but he turns angry. Ungrateful. I steal his jacket as payment. From his corpse. After I beat him.

I don't like it. Well...this was worth it? Good thing I never liked the guy or I'd feel guilty.

Nothing much really happens until I get to the Overseer's office. Amata begs me not to kill him, but before she's ran away and he's finished calling for guards he hits the floor dead. I hope Amata will believe that I just mis-heard her. This gives me the password I use to open up an exit in the overseer's office. How did dad do this before? He managed to get out, and then put the key and note with the password back in the places he found them just in case his son wanted to come with? Well anyway I manage to kill a few more guards, get to the entrance of the vault, and step outside to breath in the first non-tutorial air of the game.


Ah, freedom.

So...what now?

Next time: Time to go to Megaton to sell all the stuff those dead guys dropped.

The internet doesn't have enough 'cat' blog posts.

2010-08-09T04:47:00.000+01:00

For those of you that don't know, I own one of those new fangled computer thingies. I usually use it to search for porno and pictures of dinosaurs. (The two are not related). Because doing this was all too tiring on my legs, I purchased one of those 'chair' inventions which worked wonders. This allowed me to use my computer for long periods of time while sat down. I also own a cat, who seems to think she owns the chair. Now, if anyone else was to sit on my chair I'd slap them and start phoning a lawyer. However, everytime I walk into my room to see a ball of fluff sat in the centre, I try to squeeze past so I can have enough space without disturbing the precious feline. I'm writing this sitting on half a buttcheek while the cat is taking up the rest of the space asleep. I'm quite uncomfortable.
Not content with ruining my dinosaur session, she also seems to think the best view in my room comes from the area in front of the monitor. Now I wouldn't be angry, but she only ever manages to think this when I need the monitor for looking at things. Pushing her off only tells her that I don't want her to sit there, which she translates to "Please sit on my mousemat. You like mice, right?" Chances are if I'm using my computer, the mouse would be a pretty handy tool as it helps to click on things.
Again, she's moved and is sat on my mousemat, looking over my room like she owns the place. I've never felt so imasculated. I'm being overthrown in my own domain my a creature who can barely reach my knees.
Does this happen to everyone, or does my cat just really like the internet and want to join in?
I don't mean to one of 'those' people who always talks about their cat, so here's just the one post. Be glad I didn't include pictures with hilarious captions in grammatically incorrect ways. Tune in next time for a post about dogs!

If I say No Deal will you leave?

2010-07-27T17:14:00.000+01:00

What's that mum? You want Channel 4 on? Alright, but I want you to be sure. I've checked what's on and I think you might want to reconsider. Wait, what? You do know what those words mean, right? You want to watch-..Ok, I'm going to go ahead and pretend I'm adopted for the next half hour or so. Fine, we'll watch Deal or No Deal, but I'm not happy with you. Just let me compose myself first.

4:10pm: Oh God, it's that damn song. Are you happy, mother?! I'm already regretting your decision.
4:11pm: JESUS! What's that?! Who? Noel? Huh, what a strange man.
4:13pm: Why are the audience still clapping? Are those actually people or just robots designed to clap endlessly? I honestly can't tell.
4:15pm: So we've seen the contestant for a full minute and I already want her to stop breathing. Why is she laughing at everything? That's not funny. STOP ENCOURAGING NOEL! HE'LL ONLY CARRY ON!
4:16pm: Finally, they've picked the first box. Wow, only the first box? It feels like a year since I turned this on.
4:16:30pm: HA! The Gods have failed you! Have I ever told you I love the colour red?
4: 17pm: Ok, so the largest number has been eliminated. Can we stop watching now? Why are you looking at me like that?
4:19pm: Oh, we get to see the rest of the people there. Because that's what I wanted to see, the people who didn't make it through today.
4:20pm: Ok, laughing at Noel I can understand. I like you a little bit more. Keep doing that.
4:21:30pm: Stop laughing! It wasn't that funny!
4:22pm: So I'm back to not liking you again. Congratulations.
4:23pm: Adverts? Goodie! Freedom! I've never been happier to see people shouting at me telling me to buy insurance for things.
4:27pm: On no, we're back. I miss people shouting at me.
4:30pm: So apparently picking the 1p box is the greatest achievement in the history of mankind.
4:31pm: Why are they still clapping and cheering? It's not their money.
4:33pm: Now she picked a red and they start clapping again. This game has stopped making sense.
4:35pm: Why are people offering encouragement? I'd be happy to leave that place with at least £100.
4:36pm: Actually, I'd just be happy to leave that place. I'd take a lot to get me there in the first place actually. Maybe some sort of kidnapping.
4:44pm: Why is she crying and talking about her family and debts. Wasn't this a 'happy' program 20 seconds ago.
4:45pm: Oh good, more nervous laughter. I missed that noise.
4:50pm: "Stand up if you would gamble." Yes, because the audience matter. Those clapping robots have a totally unbiased view on this, you know with them taking home some of the money themselves. What's that? They don't? Then what's the point of this?!
4:51pm: So she's basing her decision to win or lose a bit of money on a load of people who stood up. What a great decision maker.
4:53pm: Everyone cheer! She's slightly richer than she was before! This is a big part of your life and you should show it!
4:56pm: Thanks mum, I didn't need those brain cells after all. Whats next? ...Come Dine With Me?! I'll be over here with this noose. Pay me no attention.

Probably only good for a rental

2010-06-29T18:21:00.000+01:00

And just like that after three years of solid gaming, I've beaten the education system. I didn't think much of the end boss, with it's huge difficulty curve, but overall it was a satisfying game.
First off, the NPCs in the game had huge dialog trees, and it really felt like you were forming a bond with them. It seemed like each NPC had their own personality, and I didn't see a single repeated model. The dynamic clothing system was also a nice touch which helped immersion. The voice acting is also superb, although I didn't recognise any of the voice actors. The facial expressions given usually match up perfectly to the voices which almost makes me wonder how such a perfect system was coded.
You need these NPCs to help you complete the many tasks the education system gives you, which are usually in the form of essays or code generating. Some of them tell you about topics in the background while you play the drawing and sleeping minigames which I found really rewarding. However, it is VERY important to pay attention to the information you're told, as you are tested on it at the end of each level. This is easy enough during the drawing, but the volume turns down and everything goes black during the sleeping minigame, so it is much harder. There's also something about the game which throws this minigame your way during the most important topics, which I thought was a cheap shot.
At the end of each day you have the option to study what you learnt, allowing certain topics to be easily recalled whenever they're needed, or doing one of the many minigames the game offers. These include increasing your social standing with certain characters, playing one of the ingame video games, or taking part in the drinking minigame, which I'll talk about in greater detail later.
After each level, as stated, you are tested on what you've been told, but this grade is added together with your grade from other minigames given by the teaching NPCs. You are usually told to go and write and essay using the knowledge you've been taught so far. This is where the game really shines, as you can talk to the other characters and gain more knowledge, or you can go the evil route and steal their work. Enter the influence level, which admittedly needs some work. Certain acts gain bad influence, meaning the characters don't treat you with as much respect, and can even start to dislike you depending on the action you took. This influence level can end the game for you if it goes too low, so it is important to keep it up, which doesn't allow for much experimentation with different methods. Apart from this small point, it really shines through, as each character knows everything you did, and your actions sometimes get brought up in conversation, which was suprising to hear, and sometimes very rewarding.
The customisation is another great factor of the game, as there is literally millions of combinations of clothing styles. The game boasts hundreds of shops in the city you choose to start in, which each provide different unlockables for your character. My only concern is once you take an item out of your wardrobe to throw it away, you have to unlock the item again. I'm not sure if this was a bug or intentionaly programmed in. You unlock items by spending money which you get given each year, and through more minigames. The amount you get each year is determined on your character creation, and some stats you gave yourself, as well as your parents and family, so I hope you have a good background prepared for your character. This money spawns at the start of the year and in installments throughout the game, so you should always have something to carry the game on. If you unlock too many items, you need to play some minigames to get the monetary rewards. This requires you going to one of the shops or buildings and asking if you can play the minigame. Sometimes you get lucky and you proceed to play the games, but you can only play them at certain times of certain days, with each building having different rules. Once you've unlocked yourself your clothes, you can also work on your appearence. There are hundreds of different styles of hair styles and colours, with the hair length growing each day, allowing for a lot of change should you require it.
There is also a drinking mechanism in the game which gives you some really cool effects. Once you drink a certain type of drink, the screen goes nuts, and your character gets harder to control. You may see yourself falling over, shouting dialogue at others even though you didn't choose an option, or even jumping into bouts of dancing at inopportune moments. A very fun distraction, but if this action is taken too much you start to become addicted which makes the game more about this mechanic instead of the education aspect.
All in all, it is a very rewarding game, but with a huge price tag of £3000+ a year. I can only recommend this to hardcore fans of the genre as it doesn't seem to be for everyone.

The most annoying things about the World Cup

2010-06-13T05:14:00.000+01:00

For those of you who enjoy football, The World Cup is a time to show your support for your country and to watch endless amounts of your favourite sport. For those of us who can't stand the thing, it's a time of being kept up to date with, and being bombarded by the latest goings on with some athletes we don't care about.
Below are some of the things I have to look forward to every four years and which help to greaten my dislike of the majority of the human race.

Those damn flags:
Are the flags really necessary? Chances are, we know who you're going to be supporting. I don't see the point in sticking a flag out of the window or covering houses in the things, but apparently most of the population do. A short trip turns into a loating for the colours red and white as you pass hundreds of cars sporting the flags. Though it does allow you to preemptively know which houses not to visit.

No other conversation matter:
I don't like football. I don't watch football. I don't know any players in our team. And yet I'm having discussions with my dad about what went on in that last hour and a half because nothing else has happened recently. The country has ground to a halt to wait to see what happens with those guys halfway across the world.

TV goes crazy:
Quality programmes? Nope, here's a load of adverts about football. News reports? Nah, footballers are more important. I can't remember the last time I turned on the TV to find something other than a football being onscreen. Well...there was the time I turned over to see a show with the set covered in England flags.

The songs:
Every tournament, we get a buttload of easily forgotten anthems, the most popular being 'Three Lions'. I don't know what brings people to wail about how awesome England is, but I want it to stop.

Endless Facebook updates:
I only use Facebook here as it's the current social network in mainstream use, but whatever the network is, you can be assured every other message sent is in regard to the World Cup. When something interesting happens, it's custom to go straight to Facebook and tell the world what just occured. This isn't the thing that bothers me since it's the entire purpose of that box. The annoyances start when a thousand others post the exact same thing. If someone scores, I hope you weren't hoping for any interesting updates for the next few minutes as everyone goes to post their love/hate of the goal/player/team/all of the above. I can't wait for the World Cup to be over so I can go back to reading about what meals people have been eating recently.

The things keeping me awake

2010-04-03T01:30:00.002+01:00

- Reading over my Bioshock post, I found it wasn't that funny. So, April Fools, I guess.

- If Jesus knew he'd rise from the dead, why didn't he have better miracles. Walking on water is all good, but if you really want to screw with people you'd cut your own head off.

- What's the deal with easter eggs? Eggs don't represent new life, they represent breakfast. Or horny chickens.

- Did people know what zombies were, or had they not encountered one before? I guess they would have left out the part where Judas calls Jesus a 'frigging zombie' out of the Bible.

- They made Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The next and most logical step is The New Testament and zombies. Or is somebody working on that? Would it be a faux pas to ask a priest about it?

How not to get rescued from a plane crash

2010-03-30T19:34:00.001+01:00

After looking out of the window for God knows how long, my boredom took me to my wallet. I don't know who I was talking to, but the topic of my parents was available to anyone listening.
I must have been going insane with boredom and needed some air. Sadly, if there is a God, he has a taste for the ironic. Air was exactly what I was getting, as the plane broke apart and travelled slightly more vertically than I anticipated. Down we went, and then under we went, as the plane hit the water. Struggling to breathe, I made it to the surface.
Around me, charred corpses and a ring of fire. Wait, a lighthouse? Convenient. As I made my way to the only dry land I expect to see for a while, I see remnants of the plane exploding and sinking. Serves them right for the crappy meals they served. And where the hell was that drinks cart? I sit back and watch the tail go under for a while, wondering how I'd go about getting my money back for the ticket.
After shouting out for any survivors, I walk inside the building. Behind me, doors shut. After figuring I just fell for Rule #1 of B-movie horror flicks, the lights come on to reveal the most poorly designed lighthouse ever. Who the hell changed the light at the top, and how the hell do they get there? All I see is a large man, staring at me from the wall. Well, I may as well look for a phone or something.
As I carry on, lights keep turning on to guide my path. Either someone's watching me, or this is some sweet motion sensor. I finally get to some sort of lift. Only it doesn't go up. I don't know if it was because I hadn't seen enough water yet, or because there was nothing else to do, but I got in. That was my first mistake.
As the sub lowered, I was treated to a film. Great, even in-flight movies in submarines have ads. After paying attention to a guy talk about politics or something (I was trying to find the remote) the window opened to show something I've never seen before.
A city! Underwater! Who built this? And why? They hired contractors to built this under all this pressure? Why wasn't this on the news?! The whale over there could just bump into a building and kill hundreds!
I heard an Irish man talking about my plance crash over some sort of intercom. Thank God, people. Maybe they can get me out of this deathtrap and back to land. I felt an unnatural hatred for water already.
As I rise to meet my 'rescuers', I see 'Johnny' back away from some woman. Hoping for a good punch up, I keep watching. What I wasn't counting on was the woman to stick a scythe into his gut. I quickly scan the area for weapons, finding nothing. Well...I always wanted to die inside a lift in an underwater city. I guess. Suddenly, the woman runs off, leaving me with the familiar voice coming from an intercom. "Would you kindly pick up that shortwave radio" Would you kindly get me out of here?! I just saw a guy get killed and you want a chat?
Luggage and picket signs were strewn everywhere in this room. It looks like I missed some party. After following the disembodied voices and noises (I'd be terrible in a horror film) my radio buddy tells me to find a crowbar to fend off the so called 'splicers'. How a crowbar is superior to a scythe I don't know, but it's not like there's much here. I find a wrench, hoping it fares high on the guy's 'List of tools to be used as weapons'. Moving on, a 'splicer' throws a flaming couch at me.
I guess this city has never heard of guns.

I'm never touching Tequila again.

2010-03-06T15:45:00.000Z

All I remember was a disembodied Russian voice talking to me about children...or something. I've never been one for remembering dreams though I remember a few words. Vault. Pandora. Guardian. I'm sure these won't be important. All, of a sudden...BAM! I jolted up to find myself on some sort of bus. There were only 3 other people and a driver, all of whom looked familiar? Were they at Dave's party last night? They probably stuck me on this bus to get me home, after the fifth tequila in a row. All it took was a quick look outside to tell me how wrong I was. Where the hell am I?! I've never seen this place before, and I think I'd know if I lived in a desert. Dave and his friends must have stuck me on a random bus as a prank. No big deal, I'll just get to the final stop, find out where I am, and go back home.

I turned to see what we'd hit, and saw some sort of dog lying in the road. I could have sworn it's mouth was messed up, or it had scales or something, but I put this down to travelling at fast speeds and the booze still playing tricks on me. I hope I never see what I thought I saw, because that was just terrifying. “Wake up!” I heard from the front of the bus. That voice sounded too familiar. I started to ask if he'd been talking while I was asleep, but he just started asking whose stop it was. I went to try to get back to sleep, when all of a sudden I had a woman speak to me. I thought it was the lady behind me, but she just seemed to be meditating. What happened next I still can't explain. It was like a hologram appeared in front of me and started talking to me. Either no-one noticed or it was normal business around here. Before I could discuss the implications of appearing like this, she told me to get off the bus. Did she not realise I was lost and had a plan? Or did she just want me to give up any hope of going home. Does this count as kidnapping, actually? Before I knew it, I was stood up, and walking towards the front of the bus. I went to ask the driver whether he was telling me stories while I slept, because that's just creepy, and realised I could ask him about this woman. Before I could decide which to ask, he tells me to get off his bus. Forgetting' his tip, I leave.

Recalling the 'conversation' I just had, the woman told me to meet a small, funny robot who'll guide me to my goal. There was nothing. Well, there was an annoying robot, who was pretty small I guess, but there was no way I was following him. “This way please!” he shouted. I turned away to admire the scenery. I saw a gun on the floor, which was probably rusted to hell. Firing a shot off at the robot, I found it fully worked. Excellent. Walking over to admire the damage, I found that the shot had done no damage to the robot, when I had a thought which terrified me. Maybe this was the robot I was meant to follow. Which meant my 'advisor', for want of a better name, had a terrible sense of humor. Sighing, I followed the robot's instructions. He was saying something about a station which stored my DNA. I must have missed the law passed to build these, as that just sounds like it'd be ripe with misuse. I don't even see the relevance for me. From the way the robot's talking, it'd only be useful if I was planning to be harmed during this trip. Nonetheless, I reluctantly touched the device, which seems like that's all I needed to do. The robot seemed happy. Wait, what was that he said about 'horrific death insurance'? I won't need that, right. Right?!

He didn't answer, and walked off, when all of a sudden I heard a rumbling, and a convoy of cars flew overhead, firing bullets in random directions. Damn, I'm not going to enjoy this trip, am I?

Stop telling me so much about your personailty!

2009-10-26T02:10:00.002Z

As anyone who knows me will realise, I'm on Facebook quite a lot. In fact, during the times I'm not, it's not uncommon to get a text asking where I am and if I'm ok. Sadly, most of my Facebook time is taken up by people 'fanning' pointless pages. Now I'm all for allowing your profile to show you more about who you are, since Facebook would become rather redundant if it didn't. But do you really need to let people know you're a fan of breathing? You're really a fan of basic bodily functions? What does that even entail? I really hope no-one comes across your page wondering if you like to breath, and find out you have so much in common when they find that you, too, share the same ability as the entirety of our lifeform. The day this happens is the day I voluntarily submit myself for a Darwin Award.
So many pages are set up just to get a high user base. It's like the creators of each page feel the length (Or depth. I don't want to be sexist.) of their genetalia increases with each member they've fooled into thinking "I should become a fan of Shiny Stuff!"
While I'm on the subject, many groups are created in the same vein. The only difference I can see involves a group having a discussion board, allowing you to tell people "Yes, I also enjoy this random thing you thought of one day and had to clog the internet with." There may be more to it, but since I'm not going to join any of these pages to find out, you can find it out for yourself if you dare.
This wasn't as much of a problem in the past, as Facebook never updated you with who was following what. At the time of Facebook's first layout, fanning and groups weren't much of an annoyance as nobody had come up with the idea yet, and half of it wasn't implemented. (I miss those days.) A short update later, and the highlight reel was made public. This had the advantage of hiding on the side of the screen, so that any fannings were sandwiched between drunken pictures of your friends to gawk over. This latest update is the bane of my existence, however.
It's not that I don't like the layout, because I do. I think I'm in a minority of people who either like the layout, or couldn't give a crap how it looks as long as I can talk to people and make plans. It's because of updates like "[Person] and [too many friends] have become a fan of [crap I don't care about]." It's because I can't see what's going on in my friend's lives because I'm too busy filtering though updates about groups which shouldn't see the light of the internet and their respective clones. It's because Facebook can't give me the option to hide these updates. I have to hide all feeds from the person. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't care about what half my friends say. Sure, they've made a few mistakes, what with becoming a fan of "Mcdonalds Should Do Deliveries", but that doesn't mean I should miss out on what flavour soup people are eating each day.
What's so wrong with only becoming a fan of applications you want to keep up to date with? It's a useful service if done well. I'm all for becoming a fan of Firefox so you can stay in the know when they update to a new version. But I urge you, stop telling me you're a fan of laughing when people fall over. Its a pretty redundant statement, since if you don't laugh when people hit the deck, you're probably not human.

Damned memory.

2009-10-03T01:03:00.001+01:00

If there's one thing I hate, it's creepy little girls in horror movies. If there's two things I hate, it's that and forgetting the controls of a game. The latter is our topic of choice for this evening.

So I fired up Infinite Undiscovery for the first time since the day I bought it at the beginning of summer. I probably would have had a better time if I hadn't just been pressing A to attack everything which looked at me funny. I knew there were other attacks, and I knew I could connect to characters.....somehow. What i didn't know was the effects of each attack, how to equip it, how to connect to someone and how to use their skills. I took one look at the menus to relearn, but I only learnt what a few moves did. I have no idea what a trait or title does or how to unlock more. Buying items was a hassle, as I had to select the amount of each item I wanted BEFORE I said I wanted to buy it.
This is in no way the fault of the game. All the information is there, and has been told to me before. It's in every way my fault. I tend to do this a lot with games.

"This seems like a good game. That's the tutorial over with, and I've all the information I need! Bring on the first enemy! Wait, it's 2am already? Lectures in the morning I'd better go get some sleep."
*2 months pass*
"Wow, I can't remember the game being this hard. Wait, I'm supposed to Press A here? How do I heal again? This move is too slow, I'm sure I had another attack. How do I revive characters? Why am I the only one lef-...oh I'm dead."

No matter what game it is or how addicted I am to it, I'm going to forget how to play it. Something shinier or an assignment I'm being graded heavily on will makes it's way towards me and the obsession I've been wasting away on will start collecting dust on the shelf. It's happened multiple times over the years. The Sims, Tropico, Halo, GTAIII, Guild Wars, FEAR, and Banjo Kazooie to name a few.

Hopefully I'm not the only one. Until I can upload game mechanics to my brain, I'm going to keep forgetting them.

Losses

2009-09-24T21:38:00.001+01:00

Today has been a day of losses. Thankfully, all voluntarily, but losses nonetheless. First off, there was the loss of £1050 from my account. Ok, it means I get a place to keep my pants, but it also means I have less to spend on the games I don't need, or even want.
Secondly, I allowed a complete stranger to ask me personal questions and stab me twice with needles. Yes, I have joined the elitest group of people who give away their bodily fluids for free. Sort of like a prostitute, but with less business sense. I'm writing this thing while waiting for the light-headedness to kick in, meaning any gibberish can easily be explained away and you won't know any different. Success! I'm sure the whole reward of giving blood is just being able to act weird and have no-one think anything negative towards you. I can work with this.

The not-updating excuse this time is: *drumroll* UNI!
I somehow managed to pass second year, move house, move to a different place when getting back to Preston, and socialise with people. Also managed to get a hold of Batman: Arkham Asylum, one of the best games I've had the pleasure of beating for a while. Not only did it keep me hooked for well over a week, but it also got me digging out Batman comics from all over the internet.
I'd just like to say, the first Batman story (Detective Comics #27 I think) is terrible. The first few stories are so laughably bad I have no idea how they gained their popularity. So glad they did though.

Also, fgkjepoudfshvoifdvghs*collapse*

The facts of life.

2009-08-23T16:29:00.002+01:00

- If you’re going to be away from your PC for a weekend with only your laptop, remember to back up your music collection.

- The adverts on the free version of Spotify are VERY annoying.

- Re-learning a year long module is anything but fun.

- I should have revised more the first time around.

- If I fail tomorrow's resit I'm going to cry.

- In no way, will I blame blogging instead of revising.

The Chronicles of Banana Hammock

2009-08-18T20:54:00.002+01:00

And here I thought helping out with this book would be easy. Instead of writing, I’m some sort of research assistant. What I thought was going to be a quiet existence has turned into a load of collection and exploration quests. Getting irradiated, crippling myself, and testing a (very bad) Molerat repellent is how I spend my days now. And for what? All to help out that damned trader. Moira started off with standard requests, such as going to the supermarket and picking up some food, but now that we’ve nearly finished the Survival Guide she’s writing, the requests are getting more and more ridiculous. For instance, I’m on my way to Rivet City to find out how the place got started. To put it another way, I’m spending my afternoon walking around a ship, asking people how they turned this place into a town. I wish I said no to the guide. I wish I could settle down somewhere in this hell-hole and wait for my time to die. Dukov has the right idea. He has girls, and he has lots of booze. If I didn’t find him so repulsive, I might actually offer to stay and ‘help out’. At least then I wouldn’t be walking through this wasteland all day every day, performing menial jobs for everyone I walk past.
I’ve disarmed a 200 year old bomb. I’ve fixed a leaky water plant. I’ve saved a kid from giant fire-breathing ants and found him a new place to live. And what do I have to show for it? A couple hundred bottle caps and some bobble heads in my house, if you can call it that. Every now and then, I hear a news-story about myself through the static on Galaxy News Radio, but they’re still having trouble with the reception. I’ll follow in my dad’s footsteps soon enough to see what the problem is if this place doesn’t liven up a bit. Though that does mean walking through the city, not that the odd Super Mutant wouldn’t be a problem. They go down pretty easily, but from what I’ve heard, they’re everywhere, and I don’t think my sniper rifle is up to the task just yet. I miss the old days, when the biggest risk to the vault was a Radroach infestation. There’s all sort of weird creatures out here, which people are willing to let me go face for them. For instance, today I’ve came across Radroaches, Molerats, a Super Mutant, and a Deathclaw, all to help research for a book.
All this wandering, and yet I’ve still not answered the important questions. How is there still electricity? How have these cardboard boxes lasted 200 years of weathering? Why does it never rain?

To whom it may concern.

2009-08-11T05:58:00.003+01:00

Dear spider,
I know you've been there a while. I looked up randomly to see you quite happily sitting (hanging?) on my ceiling, content with your recent catch of two miscellaneous insects. It is with this reasoning that I know you didn't come in through the window and position yourself next to the toilet, as my original thought would have been. Instead I know you made the whole wall and a half journey to sit next to the toilet bowl. Now, I don't have a problem with you being here. I'm quite willing to share out my ceiling/wall space during these cold nights and would hate to be blamed for you going cold.
My main gripe is this: Were they really big eyes coming out of your front, or just really small legs?
If it's the former, my mind switches to the realisation that you climbed down and positioned yourself in the optimal position for watching me pee. This may not be the case, as I'm sure you'll probably be pretty embarrased by having to watch me pee as well, but one does wonder. My privacy is important to me, but I wouldn't want to sabotage our living arrangements just because of a misunderstanding. Maybe there was a juicy fly I was missing out on. Or you just fancied a change of scenery and all this is a horrible coincidence.
Either way, I hope we can resolve this soon, and go back to before.
Yours,
Ryan.

An apocolyptic childhood.

2009-08-05T15:12:00.004+01:00

My childhood wasn’t an easy one. As soon as I was out of the womb, my dad insisted on giving me questions, asking me to name myself and asking what sex I was. Honestly, doesn’t the crotch give it away? I told them I was a girl, which seemed to get a positive response. I was hoping if I was wrong, one of the talented doctors would point this out to everyone. Since I got to choose my own name, I chose Banana Hammock. I was in a playful mood and thought the parents would laugh it off and called me Agatha or something. No such luck. This name seems to fit me perfectly. I don’t think they like me much.
Next on the agenda, seeing what the baby will look like when all grown up. Note to self: When I do grow up, remind hospitals that shoving monitors into baby’s faces and making them choose their future appearance really doesn’t help. Though I did find out one thing; my dad’s a little on the insane side. My future self will be a Caucasian female, sporting a green Mohican, and I apparently look ‘just like my daddy’. What did mum see in him?! Speaking of whom, after all the festivities, something happened to her and I was wheeled off into the back. I guess I must have fallen off the crash-cart or something, since I just saw a white light and voices around me, only recognising my dimwit of a father’s.
When I came to, it was a year later and I was in what I presume to be my room with the father. He was in my playpen telling me to walk to him. I saw a toy box so got a little distracted. After jumping up onto the chair, leaping into the box, picking up my favourite teddy and going to show it to the dad, he was only impressed with the walking. The jumping didn’t do anything for you then did it daddy dearest? What about my attempt to read? Ok, all I managed to do was gurgle a bit, but that’s more you can do, standing there with your constant, mindless clapping. After I had a little play, I managed to circle strafe to daddy (another talent going un-noticed) and got told I walk like a pro. Seriously? People have contests for this stuff? Sign me up!
Thankfully, dad left, giving me some peace and quiet. I had a strange urge to have another go at reading that book. Soon after, dad came back. I tried telling him I’d read the book, looking for a little recognition for my reading at the age of one. He was only interested in how I got out of the pen. You didn’t even lock it! It wasn’t that hard! Apparently, I made a friend while I was unconscious, because dad wanted to make me go play. Trying to get rid of me already, eh? I followed, but only because the toys here had lost their appeal, though I did take my ball with me. I must have tripped over or something, since the second I turned the corner, I blacked out again, and heard the same voices as before, as well as a few children’s voices.
This time, it was 9 years later, and it was apparently my birthday. Someone told some Stanley guy that my unconsciousness was due to the bright lights. Hey, that’s the same excuse my dad used 9 years ago! I smell a conspiracy! Though I saw cake, so all was well. Getting to the cake was a bit of a hassle. People kept trying to talk to me. I did get given a ‘pop-boy’ or something, which I’ll have a play with later. The Overseer walked away before I could ask him how I could get Pong on this thing, and it was my dad’s turn to tell me how proud he was. I wonder if he’ll tell me I’m a pro at walking again.
Amata was asking if I’d been surprised. I wanted to tell her ‘Of course I was! I’ve been in a coma for 9 years! Who are you people!?’ but I couldn’t find the right words. After she’d left, I started playing with the Jukebox, but couldn’t get any Slayer on. What a crappy party! Everyone was standing around, and I’d almost forgotten about the cake until the robot shouted. I ran over, plate at the ready for the first morsel of food I’d ever eaten. I’d expected a party in my mouth, but a much better one than in this crummy place. Sadly, I never got a chance to sample the delicious cake as the damned robot destroyed it in an attempt to cut it. Note to self: Install Vista onto him later.
Some old lady gave me a sweet roll as a present. Now, I’m not one to challenge the elderly, but a sweet roll? I could pick this up at the vault shop for a single cap! Some present. I humoured her, and smiled it off, with a hatred towards everyone here, when I was stopped by another kid. The robot had bothered him as well it seems. Before I could set up an alliance against the robot, he demanded my sweet roll off me. I’d had my cake taken from me, I wasn’t about to let this food go to waste as well. I hadn’t eaten in the 10 years I’d been alive! I said something or other about his mother, and he went nuts! I’d ran away for a good while and no-one thought to stop him before he actually hit me. Twice. I hope this place gets infected by bugs or something. Amata made some God-awful pun about Butch’s name and walked off. I should kill her. Or her dad actually, since he’s really putting a downer on this party.
My dad apparently had a surprise for me, so after stealing all the plate, glasses and hats to sell on later, I followed him. I don’t like my father, but I’d rather be with him than at that ‘party’. On my way out, some strange woman stopped to give me a poem as a present. I think I like Old Lady Palmer more now. At least she got me an actual present instead of a note of paper. That’s all I got from her as well. ‘One poem per birthday. What would Butch say if I gave you two?’ I wanted to tell her I think he’d laugh at me for getting two, but she walked off before I could retort. I ran off hurriedly to meet Jonas downstairs, who told me to wait for my father. Why? It’s not his birthday. I stood in the corner wondering what the surprise could be. I hope it’s cake. Stupid robot.
It’s a BB Gun! I asked who I could kill, since I really had my eye set on that robot. Apparently it’s not a toy and could do some harm. I showed him how responsible I could be by shooting him in his dumb face. See? Not even blinded! Reluctantly, I followed him to the target range. After all, my party with all the other ‘victims’ was the other way. After some mediocre target practice, a giant bug walked in! Apparently this is routine, so I shot it in the face. 1. 2. 3. 4 shots to kill it? What a crappy gun. I’m never going to kill the overseer at this rate. ‘That’s one less Radroach to deal with’ was my dad’s response. Does he not know how much bugs reproduce? What a dumbarse. Dad wanted a picture to capture the moment with. They never asked me for my opinion. Maybe I don’t want to be seen with this oaf, but I joined in. I knew I shouldn’t have, since the flash knocked me unconscious again.
Six years older and I was with my dad again. He’s a doctor?! That explains the lab coat. But how did someone so stupid get this job? We’re all doomed. He was telling me I have to take some test, and apparently I was faking an illness. Does he not know what a coma is? Some doctor.
On my way to the text, I saw Amata being ganged up on by Butch and his gang. Now, I don’t like Amata (I still remember that crappy party) but it seemed a good excuse to use my BB Gun. I got into a fight with Butch again, but then realised that someone had taken my gun off me. Bastards!
Though it did only take a few punches to knock him down. Not that the teacher inside the classroom opposite seemed to mind me beating the snot out of Butch. I like this guy. Looking like we’d bonded, I asked if he could take my test for me, using my 16 year old body to appeal to him. Success! I hope I get this guy to teach all my classes. College should be a breeze. I ran out the class, telling everyone else to ‘Go suck it!’ Karma hates me, as the second I contemplated finding out where that stupid robot hangs out, I fainted again. Damn good thing I’d already done the test.
This time, the coma only lasted for three years, and I awoke to find Amata next to my bed. I tried to remember if I’d been to a party last night. After all, college is a time for experimentation.
Seems she’d come in and woke me up to tell me my dad had ran off. I wanted to tell her I didn’t care, but she still wanted me to go and find him outside the vault. I didn’t know such a thing was possible, otherwise I would have ran out while I was still a kid. Jonas was killed as well apparently. After asking who did it, I got told it didn’t matter right now. On the contrary, finding who killed the guy who gave me my first weapon was pretty high on my list of things to do. After telling Amata what she wanted to hear, I left.
Apparently, leaving this place is frowned upon, as guards were searching for me everywhere. Even those bugs managed to get in. If my dad was still here, I could have said “Ha, told you so”, but I just took a mental note to rub it in his face later. Speaking of Radroaches, Butch’s mum was being attacked by some. I said I’d help, but really wanted an excuse to ‘miss.’ Sadly, that’s all I did as every shot hit a roach. I need to work on my aiming.
Upstairs, I saw the robot and a guard who’d been at my party fighting off some roaches. Apparently the robot had a flamethrower. Thank God I never actually went to harm him. More running and I found the overseer. Amata ran off before I could ask her how to take the safety off the gun she gave me. I really didn’t like the overseer. As I caught up with her, she thanked me for not killing her father. It would be a bit weird if I told her I was about to, but needed help in doing it, so I left it and instead concentrated on getting the door to the office open. The key was apparently ‘hidden’ in the overseer’s room in some drawers. Do these people not know about security?
After opening the office, I had to hack the computer to open some door. Having never used a computer in my life, I looked through The Overseer’s stuff for things to steal. In a cupboard was the password for the terminal. To answer my previous question, no. Upon entering the code, I made it to the door below and opened the door to outside. After saying my goodbye’s to Amata, I walked outside the vault.
And that’s where my story ends. I write this in a hotel in a town called Megaton. The escape happened yesterday, and I’m told my father went to Galaxy News Radio, which for some reason is having transmission difficulties recently. I have a bad feeling about this, so I’m going to stay here and help a shopkeeper on that book of hers.

Maybe some points of interest. Maybe not.

2009-07-30T02:56:00.001+01:00

I'm more awake at night. I'm also more talkative at night. So why does the internet feel the need to shut down at this moment? My wit is spewing out in all directions like a teenager's first puking session after a steady course of alcohol, and there's no-one to listen to my pearls. It's like my sociablilty smells or something. (If it's anything like my physical state of recent, I'm not far off.)
So as I'm sitting in a state of wanting to talk to people who aren't there (A well documented phenomena actually) it hits me. I should play Fallout!
5 minutes in and it crashes.
"Fair enough, it's not known for being the most stable game" I think, as I boot up another session, remembering to save regularly.
10 minutes later, it crashes.
On next boot up, it does the same when I get to the same area. (Canterbury Commons.)

And so ends the story of how I ended up closing the game, remembering not to blame the Vault Dweller (Dizturbd ^_^), and typing the first thoughts into my head on here. You're welcome.

Also on tonight's agenda, chatrooms. Lately, it's been Gamernook, and Lycos, in an attempt to kill some time and talk to strangers about crap, since doing it on the street gets you weird looks. Especially if you're pantless like I am during the majority of my PC time.
Why is it that when I was younger, and more socially retarded, I found it easier to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger? Nowadays, I can barely talk to the other lines of text.
While we're on the topic of younger, why are summers so bad now?
I remember when they were great, and there was never a moment of boredom. Now I'm lucky to find something to entertain myself with.
And this was before I started playing games all day long.
What the crap did I do all day?!

On a side note (i.e. bugger all to do with anything in the history of everything) I now have a purple mop! Read: hair. Though I do now want a purple mop.

Thoughts from a thinker.

2009-07-23T05:46:00.001+01:00

- Getting the 'Explorer' perk in Fallout 3 is the best thing I've ever done.

- For an apocolyptic wasteland, there sure are a lot of places I need to go to.

- Thanks to Fallout, my left hand goes to 'WASD' and 'V' by default.

- I need a larger MP3 player. Squeezing 60GB of music onto 4GB of space leads to a lot getting cast away.

- It's also VERY boring to go through each album to see what's worthy.

- It's also very boring going through each album, correcting all tags.

- When I'm bored, I tend to get sociable. A huge disadvantage, since my usual source of boredom is no-one to talk to.

- I've found that chat rooms scare me, but I just can't...stop...watching.

Boy, do I have some stories to tell you

2009-07-17T04:06:00.001+01:00

Actually, i don't. Otherwise I would have said something since umpteen years ago.
Today's excuse for silence: Monkey Island.

"But faithful internet blogger!" I hear you shriek."This is 2009. The age of point and click is long dead."
"So's your face!" I cry, and I penetrate it with the closest sharp thing to hand. (Some sort of broadsword I'm hoping.)

Hopefully, you'd see this as less of a violation of my parole, and more of a way to try to explain that point and click adventure games are still going strong, just not getting the recognition they deserve.

This summer has seen the revival of the Monkey Island series, 9 years after Escape From Monkey Island in 2000, and a remake of the original Secret of Monkey Island. First off, we have Telltale's take on the Monkey Island series with Tales of Monkey Island. Telltale like to release their adventure games in episodes, rather than one full game, with each episode being a fraction of the price of a retail game. In my case, each episode was about £5, with the entire 5 episode series coming to about £22. The episodic nature worked with Sam & Max, so I was eager to place my pre-order a month early, and spend the 6th July cooped up in my room, sleeping, ready to endlessly click the refresh button all of next day on Telltale's website.
And that I did.
For 5 hours. (Those real-life friends have a habit of dragging me outside when I'm busiest, otherwise it would have been double figures.)

During these 5 hours I took a trip to the forums. Expecting to see a few fans like myself, hoping to relive some of the magic from our youth, I saw a massive amount of users ready to download and play the new Monkey Island game. I'd never knew the genre still had this much life within it's fan-base. Ironically, this 'life' caused the website to crash a lot and caused the forums to go down for maintenance.

The wait was worth it. Though LucasArts has little to do with the game they made famous, Ron Gilbert made a couple of trips to Telltale's studios to make sure they stuck to the old Monkey Island ways we fell in love with. The first episode, in my eyes, was a hit and I loved every second of it. The game took me 4 hours to complete, with the puzzles being challenging, but easy enough to spot the obvious solution with a little thought. Hopefully the difficulty curve will increase as usual to make the next few games as awesome.
Dominic Armato continues his voice over to ToMI to voice Guybrush Threepwood, a fact which made me bring out my credit card ready to pre-order before I even realised what was going on. He does, yet again, a brilliant job at capturing the charm and wit of Guybrush.

Next we have The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition. A remake of the original game in 1990, with updated graphics and voice overs. Once again, Dominic is there to take us through the Tri-Island area,hoping to be the next mighty pirate. A clever feature of the game is the way you can press a button and it will digress to the original game, a-la pixels and crosshair. This makes for an easy comparison between the games, and I find myself switching between each just to compare animations and scenery.
The puzzles are the same as the original game, but now there's an added hint system. On the PC version, press 'H', and you get a handy tip on screen. This helps in some cases (as I found myself earlier) where I just couldn't figure out a solution to a puzzle, and didn't want to check a walkthrough for fear of spoiling a later puzzle.

Away from the Monkey Island series, we also had Sam and Max season one hitting Xbox Live recently. Though I've not played the Xbox version, I have played the PC version, and recommend the series to anyone who hasn't played either. The humour of the game is on par with Sam and Max: Hit the Road. That is to say, hilarious.

All in all, I'm loving the recent revival of a genre that doesn't get nearly enough acclaim as it should.
You can stick with your Halos and your Calls of Duty. I'm sticking with my three headed monkeys and funny haired pirates.

The big room with the bright light is getting warmer

2009-04-19T15:30:00.001+01:00

So yesterday I was persuaded to venture outside into public. Into sunlight nonetheless. The occasion? Playing cards in the park. (I won.)
So now it's sunny again today, and I can't help but want to go out again. As each sun-filled day passes, I can feel an ounce of geek leaving me. Thankfully, I woke up to realise I now had all Dragonball episodes downloaded. That's Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT. If uit wasn't for an assignment deadline in a week, I'd be watching it and pretending they never made a live-action movie. I've not seen it yet, but I'm not getting my hopes up. At the best, I'm hoping it'll spunk all over my childhood's face, instead of the violent anal penetration I'm expecting. More on this when I get a new bank card delivered, thereby having access to my money again. (I may have been a little drunk and lost it the other night.)

I just found a site called GamerNook, a social networking site for gamers. So far, the only annoying part has been adding my games collection to my profile. I've had to do this once before for a Facebook application, so I wasn't too enthusiastic about it. I've missed out my N64, Megadrive, and PS2 collection, which I'll finish when I can be bothered. Apparently it's meant to make it easier to find people to play online with, so if you make an account look for me.

My place really does suck

2009-04-17T03:47:00.001+01:00

So I live in a little slice of heaven affectionately called 'The Moose'. Reason? Because it's the name of the place. Duh.
Anyway, this house isn't well known for it's healthy drinking water. One more than one occasion I've taken a glass, and had the water contained turned nearly opaque due to the 'things' in it. The only way to get the water to an acceptable drinkable level, apart from moving, is to let the tap run for a few seconds prior to glass-filling. Over Christmas holidays, a housemate left a bottle of water on the side, and returned 3 weeks later to a sight which can only be described as 'icky' Mould balls had formed, and were bobbing up and down the bottle. Sadly, he wouldn't drink it. Even for science.

Why do I bring this up?

I was searching through a cupboard in my room back at home (The home with the people who gave birth to me) and found a bag I'd used for camping. "Awesome" I said, as no-one was awake to tell me to stop talking to myself. I need a tent for a week in June, so looked inside to see if I had one. I realy can't remember what was in there. The last time it was opened was about two years ago. On the top of the bag, a bottle of water. It had been in there for two years, and it was clear. If I hadn't have just taken it out of this bag, I would consider drinking it. (Again, for science)

So a bottle of Moose water is left for two weeks, and grows mould.
A bottle of Liverpool water is left for two years in a bag in a small cupboard in a warm room, and it's fine.

Is my water really that bad?

Here he goes again

2009-04-05T17:24:00.001+01:00

It's bad when you get writer's block. It's worse to get it when you're not a writer, barely update a half decent blog, and should really have a lot more to talk about. This is one of those 'worse' moments. But, I'm bored and after reading some other websites, I'm inspired. Either that or 'creeped-out'. Note to self: Cleanse browser history. With fire.

I've not got a topic handy, since when I go to ask people for something to talk about they always answer with the same thing:
"Where are your pants? How the hell did you get in here? I'm calling the police!"

Really, if you can't ask random strangers for advice in the comfort of their own home, our society is doomed.

While I'm on the topic of destryoing society, the internet has a new corner to annoy the rest of mankind.
Omegle.
My first experience was a stranger asking 'Cyber?' Instant dislike alert.
Give it a go. You may enjoy it, you may end up shutting off your PC in the hopes of never contacting another human being ever.

Funnily enough, this is what /b/ makes me feel like anyway.

Thoughts from the morning

2009-02-19T06:28:00.002Z

- I should do this more often. It's like updating my Facebook, but I don't feel like a social whore by updating it every 2 minutes to tell people I just farted.

- I just farted.

- I'm regretting turning on that fan and pointing it in my general direction.

- I can't decide whether I want to spend £10+ on the GTAIV expansion. Does anyone want to give me the money for it?

- Why not? You got a problem with giving me money for nothing, arsehole?

- I should really play Sam & Max Hit The road again. It was such a great game, and I have the CD next to me, but it takes up both screens, and I cba to figure out how to change it to windowed mode, or if that's even possible.

- As of tonight, I've (nearly) completed two assignments. Suck it, time!

- I should really iron out the kinks in my code before declaring it as finished. Memory leaks are Satan spawn. But replacing variables to fit with a style guide is tedious as hell.

- I'd probably get more marks and have a better chance of passing the year if i didn't do this sort of thing at 6am, or stay on StumbleUpon until stupid O' clock.

- I should design a clock with stupid O' clock on it.

How to survive the zombie apocolype.

2009-02-18T03:14:00.002Z

We all know it's going to happen. But will you survive? According to totally legit leading sources, which may or may not be movies and video games, no. Apparently only 1% of the human race know what to do in this situation. (According to the internet and how many blog posts are similar to this, it's more like 40%. Good going, internet!) After a good few hours on Left 4 Dead, and a childhood growing up with Resident Evil (sadly, including the films), I'm more than clued up on the facts. Gather round children, it's storytime.

Warriors > Everything.

People like swords. Why? Because you get to hit shit. In a zombie apocolypse, the same rule applies. After seeing your family, friends, or maybe even your favourite goldfish succumb to the wrath of the zombie hordes, it's a lot more satisfying to give the thing a wallop around the head than to stand a few feet away, aim, fire, and probably miss. Melee means no ammo. Melle means no jamming. Melee means punching a zombie in the face. For bonus points, try and get a still breathing friend to take a picture of said act. You can share it with your diminished friends list of Facebook once this has all blown over. If you think this may significantly lower your chances of survival then you may want an ordinary baseball bat or something sharp.

Dibs!

If you see something which may be useful, take it. All those years of adventure games will come in handy. You'll feel like you really were on your way to Monkey Island with all this stuff tucked away in your pants, waiting for the right opportunity to use it. Note: What you take is up to you. This guide cannot be held responsible for you chopping off your love-meat because you had the bright idea to put a knife next to your gonads for safe-keeping.
Go to B&Q or somewhere similar, and ransack the place. You'll be glad you took that lawnmower when you see the zombies gathering around the shop. Plus, that is another chance for an awesome photo.

Screw the carbon footprint.

For some reason, a few people tend to leave their cars along the side of the road when they realise the only bridge out of town has been blocked off. Be the smart one. If it still runs, drive it. You may not be heading out of town due to the aformentioned blockade, but it'll sure give you a ton of weight to mow down the undead with. If you're not old enough to drive, who cares. It's not like the law enforcement left will be bothered about the underage kid driving when there's a creature trying to chew his ear off. On the off chance there is, beat him and pretend you thought he was a zombie.
Also learn how to tap petrol from another car. Most petrol stations will be dried out, but there may still be some juice left in that scrapheap the mother and daughter died in. Don't worry about respect for the dead. They're not using it.

Home sweet hovel.

Stay away from cities. It may seem obvious, but there are a lot of people who'll stay to die where they were born. if you've read this far, hopefully you aren't one of them. Find a way out of town and to a quiet area. Contradictory, many others may have already thought of this, and are seeking refuge in the countryside. In this case, find a quiet part of town, left the undead army follow them, then forget everything I just said and take shelter here. If you want to make it more than a day, you'll need a place to sleep. Find a large building, stay a few floors up, and destroy the stairs. I'm certain you're not in a hurry to leave, so stock up beforehand. If there's someone in your group you think can be 'let go' if you still need food, let him/her runs down to the nearest shop, and devise a system of pulleys, where the food can be placed in a basket and brought up. Don't worry about the friend getting back up. No-one really liked them anyway, right? Watching them scream and jump, attracting 'friendly visitors', might give you something to laugh at in this bland wasteland. Which brings me to my next point:

Entertainment.

Ok, the section title was nothing special, but it fitted with the outing sentence of the previous paragraph. Go English language! With the rest of the world on standby, the internet might be a little boring. 4Chan might be a little repetative, with the zombies incapable of speech or human emotion spouting rubbish incomprehensable to the rest of society. Actually, nothing's really changed on that front. Sure, there may be a few small blogs cropping up telling people of their plights and where the nearest safehouse is, but between saving friends and looking at porn, I doubt many will have enough time to update regularly. Your best bet is to get out a good ol' board game, or if electricity isn't an issue, find a good game to play. Constantly. Though I'd stay away from FPS's. Many of them include some sort of zombie, and you really shouldn't bring your work home with you.

People.

Think of four people. The first four that crop into your head. Done? Good, because they should be the four you travel with. Hopefully you weren't thinking of supermodels, or that girl on the internet who you're pretty sure is a girl, and who really likes that picture of you from 4 years ago, before you got all those spots or got a tattoo on your face. Hopefully you thought of people you can trust, people who are good with weapons, and people you can tolerate for months on end. Stay small, since it's easier to travel. That car you took earlier would get pretty cramped with any more people following you. Stick with these people, and make no attempt to go searching for that partner or mother. Pretend they're dead, and follow the above rules. The second you leave to find your long lost love, you'll get bitten. Then you'll spend your last few minutes questioning whether or not she was really worth it, which kind of brings a downer to the whole relationship.

Hopefully this guide should be nothing you're unfamiliar with. If that's the case, I'll see you when we've found a way to make them our slaves. Hopefully, I'll have all those photos of zombie punching and videos of screaming friends uploaded by then.

This happens too often

2009-01-06T20:25:00.001Z

I'm usually awake at 6am again, so I may as well have a place for all those strange thoughts to go again. Just a sampler over the past few days:

- I joined Netlog for some strange reason. Deleted my account about a year ago, but out of sheer boredom I crawled back. Under the heading 'What do you want from netlog' or something similar, it had radio buttons with 'Friends', 'Relationships', or 'Networking'. Now networking had two other sub-options, one of which I can't remember. But the other one was called 'Job Search'. Who the hell is searching for a job on freaking Netlog?! Sign up (or just look around) to see what I mean.

- Hats are awesome. You disagree, and we have a problem.

- My 'friends' are idiots. Not my actual friends. Those people you add on Facebook because you have the same therapist or found out that they, too, share a fondness for bananas. Every other word is 'lol', which is reason enough to hate them, and their comments are unreadable and uninteresting. Maybe I should start deleting people.

- Finnish metal + Sub woofer in your chair + Lots of bass = Cheap massage chair!

I'm online again!

2008-08-26T00:06:00.001+01:00

Today marked the day I bought a year's subscription to Xbox Live. If you've not added me already, do so.
Gamertag: Dizturbd666
I get bored easily.
Quick post as I have other things to do. Expect something insightful soon!

Picture time!

2008-08-07T01:24:00.003+01:00

Thought I'd give this a go. Found it on DeviantArt while searching for Video games. As far as I know, the original poster was Kawaii-Chocobo. Feel free to correct me. Also have a look at the link and have a go yourself. Mine's a bad job, so I might do another soon. (Yes, I know i can't draw.) I also don't know what the last question meant. Fill in the blank with your imagination. Enjoy!

Sleep deprivation makes for good titles not

2008-08-05T10:27:00.001+01:00

You may have noticed the new title format at the top of the page.
Pictures?! Not text?! Crazy, I know, but I like it, so it's staying. In other news, In return for not posting for a while I had a big post nearly done with ScribeFire. Then I reformatted my computer, losing the post. Typical.
So lets see if we can't salvage something from this obvious plea for attention and break from boredom. Recently, I completed the Xbox 360 gem that is Mass Effect. Since completion I've went back and am now on my 5th playthrough. Ruddy good game. The amount of customisation in the game is immense. A player with a lot of free time could easily spend hours in the player creation screen. I lost track of time and spent ages getting my first character's eye position just right. There are a multitude of different character classes to choose from, each giving you different skills and attributes. You even get to choose your history. And then there's the in-game decisions to make. In many cases, you literally decide who lives or dies. There's the usual 'Good or Evil' style you can find in so many games these days helping you keep track of how much of an arsehole you are. The achievements (If you're into that sort of thing.) require replaying the game a minimum of 4 times, each time varying the story greatly. Each achievement unlocks a certain upgrade, such as gaining 10% more EXP.
The story is centered around Commander Shepard, male or female depending on your choice during the player creation process. It follows the discovery of ruins on Mars, helping humanity to build faster than light travel. You start on your way to a planet called Eden Prime, where another of these ruins have been discovered, which you and your alien buddies hope to use for the good of the galaxy. sure enough, everything goes tits up, and it's up to you to kill everything in sight to save our beloved section of space. As with all RPG's, you're sent on many sidequests which could have easily been done by the sender, all in an effort to level up to go beat the bad guy. You could just as easily skip them out, since the enemies level with you, but that means missing out on backstory and sub-plots, something I'm a sucker for.
Mass Effect is highly recommended, as it's one of the best games I've played in a while.

Your friendly neighbourhood addict

2008-06-19T01:39:00.001+01:00

So recently I got myself a month's free gold Xbox Live, which so far I've put to good use. Today has been one of those days where I want to do nothing but game. (Read: A normal day.) After finding out a clever trick to use my laptop as a wireless device, meaning I didn't have a LAN cable going from my dad's room to mine, (If I can remember the site, I'll post it later) I took out Grand Theft Auto IV and had a blast at that. Since it's all I've been playing for the past week, I decided to have a go at some of my other classics to see what their online capabilities were like. Condemned and Devil May Cry 4 both have no multiplayer, but I still found the single player modes killed the monotomy of my daily life. Next up was F.E.A.R. I couldn't get past a certain point in the story mode, so after looking it up online, and realising there was no actual trick and I was just being a really crap aim, I decided to put the game away. I've tried online multiplayer before, but I spent 5 minutes looking at the party screen while people came and went, so I don't think I'll be going back to that soon. Stranglehold is a game where I am so immensely bad, I can't get past the first level. I suppose I'll just have to get used to the fast-paced action of the game, but until then I'm staying well away from it. I feel like the game laughs at me. Viva Pinata hints at an online mode, but gives no details away. I had to scour through the manual, and even then it says 'at a certain level'. You'd think with the amount of online safety warnings the game gives there'd be a lot to do, but so far it just looks like you can trade items with people. I suppose I'll have to reach that mysterious level to find out. (I'm level 13 now by the way. Am I close?) Last but not least, there's Halo 3. I have Halo 2, which also has online capabilities, but a man can only have enough Halo in one day. Besides, Halo 2 sucked. Imagine my surprise when the first time I log on, plug in my headset and hear people talking, it's not a 'hyped up 14 year old kids debating whether or not my mother is a whore''s voice like I've been led to believe. It was a guy who sounded about my age, who did nothing but compliment people's kills. Every now and then there was someone else talking who did the same. I heard gasps of astonishment when someone exploded or someone managed a skillful kill (This was a place for beginner's by the way.) This enthusiasm in the human race didn't last long, as the next time I logged on, there was
aforementioned 14 year old constantly saying 'Veto' and saying how much this map sucked. When no-one but him veto'd, he didn't say much during the match. (Which, incidently, I won by default) I thought I'd take up another game, and ended up winning. Heaven forbid! This inflation of my ego will not help my addiction level of Xbox Live.
Tomorrow: I plan to get a life and step outside, weather permitting.

Damn laziness

2008-06-16T17:10:00.001+01:00

Mike brought it to my attention that I hadn't uploaded my blog in a while. (See. Other people DO read this thing!) I've not played any new games in a while, so I haven't got a good review planned, so let's talk films.
I've just watched Diary Of The Dead. I'm still not sure whether I like it or not. One the one hand, a zombie's eyes explode. On the other, there aren't enough zombie mobs. The whole film is done in the style of a documentary, using all those skills I learnt in Media Studies which promote realism. Though if this film was real, the American army would be a bunch of cunts, the media would edit everything to prevent panics, and humans would be the real scourge of the planet. Wait, shit.
OK, different film. Iron Man. Now there's a film without even a hint of realism. Because if it was real, life would be a lot more awesome. Just because there's a man that flies with his shoes. Today's brands really need to pick up on the fact that we need more shoes with the ability to fly, coupled with the gloves to help us steer. Screw fancy colours and new designs, flying shoes are what the market needs! Anyway, back on track, Iron Man has to be one of the best superhero films of recent days. It's rare that the origin story is usually as good as this, as demonstrated by The Hulk, from what I can tell are re-making the first film since the first was a huge flop. But I could be wrong. Watch this space.
Next time, I'll probably have played a new game. Or I'll just talk about an old game, just to fulfill your nerdy needs.

Time for another review methinks

2008-05-15T10:11:00.001+01:00

It's because I'm bored and there's nothing to do for 8 more hours until work. Anyway, I think it's time I talked about a game that didn't involve mindless killing and destruction for once. Viva Pinata. Note: Though the killing and destruction is infact there, it's more childlike, and nothing actually dies.
Viva Pinata is a sandbox game in which you make a garden for a load of paper mache animals to come live in. Sounds boring? You'd be wrong. And shut up. The game is surprisingly addictive. Remember when The Sims first came out and you spent your days playing that, doing the same things over and over? This is the same. You clear the junk out of the garden, plant some grass, get upgrades on tools, build houses and plat seeds, sell things to buy more things, and get animals to move in. Then you get your garden expanded, and you o the same, but with more space. But the key mechanic of this game is that it's fun. It just goes to show that you don't need guns and dead bodies to make a game fun.
While we're on the subject, if a Pinata does 'die', the paper mache splits to splatter sweets onto the ground, which the other animals come to eat. While that's happening, the paper mache bits float in the air, and reform outside the garden boundary. I found this a fun way to cover up the fact that your child's prized worm just died. It also allows you to technically 'kill' the same thing many times, which could be quite satisfactory.
There was a time in the game when I didn't think about selling the random bits of fruit to make some money, and spent all my time mating my worms and birds. Everytime you try to mate two pinatas, you have to go through a maze mini-game, where coins litter the place. You can get up to 20 coins each time. This meant that there was A LOT of incest in my garden, as I was saving up for a lamp so a moth could move in. This kept me amused for a while as I realised it was a kid's game and I'd just destroyed the innocence of it.
That, and the penis shaped pond didn't help.

No-one's ever blogged about this game before!

2008-05-05T05:40:00.001+01:00

It's GTAIV week! Even though I haven't actually managed to get a copy yet, I've played a mate's copy for a few hours. I've been told by a tutor that 15 minutes is all you need to get a feel for the game, so this should make me an expert. Right? Strangely, most of this time was spent progressing through the story, rather than the homicidal rampages which used to pop up after completing a few missions, getting bored, and realising you're holding a loaded firearm in a crowded area. From what I've seen, the story is amazing. The characters actually seem like real people, rather than gangsters who just tell you to go to point B and kill person X because they stole a cherry pie from them last week. (For the record, I'd say this is a pretty good reason for ordering a hit on someone.) The characters are given in depth back-stories, most obvious being the main character, Nico. Nico actually has a reason for his sharp shooting, unlike the previous GTA games which basically insinuate that the character is a really lucky shot.
The map is enormous and really goes to town on the scenery. It may be using the same name as the city from GTAIII and GTA: Liberty City Stories, but that's all it has in common with it's namesake. (That, and the ridiculously high crime rate.)
The cars' handling is more realistic, making the chase missions that little bit harder until you come to terms with it. The 'cartoony' explosion is long gone, with different parts of the car catching fire, before exploding into a fireball and engulfing nearby pedestrians. The wreckage is sprayed all over the place, with the chassis still on fire for a while afterwards. It's not just exploding which makes the cars inoperable anymore either, with the engine failing after one too many hits to that tree.
The NPC aspect of the game has greatly improved, with the pedestrians no longer walking over corpses in the street not paying attention to the strange man with a rifle aiming at them in the distance for some reason. Speaking of which, corpses have actual physics now! Imagine my surprise when I walked over a guy I beat to death with my car, to see that he rolled over depending on how I walked over him. Cue 5 minutes of me running back and forth over him. Which brings me to my other point. The bodies stay there and don't just disappear into the ground, only to be replaced by a chalk outline and a blood spatter. I've not yet found out how/when the bodies do actually vanish, but I'll keep on the case. (Which means my killing will be for science. FOR SCIENCE I SAY!)
There are many more things I could talk about, like how mature the game seems over it's previous violence hungry predecessors, but I'm sure you've all actually got a copy of the game and are too busy playing it to actually read this. Sorry for distracting you, now go back and kill that hooker.

Last (needed) blog post.

2008-04-09T18:06:00.004+01:00

So this shall be the last blog post I need to do for my assignment. I'll probably keep updating afterwards just because I'm that vain. Anyway, this task is about what I did during my Easter break. It got off to a good start, being my birthday on the Monday. After officially a full year of boozing I thought I'd give my liver a rest, plus the fact that many of my mates aren't over 18 so couldn't get into clubs in Liverpool, so ended up in Pizza Hut.
I'm sure many people by now know about me and Amy splitting up, which kind of put a downer on the whole holiday fiasco. I'd bought my own copy of Guild Wars, so I spent most of the holidays playing that as a result.
Easter wasn't a good time for relationships. Many couples I know had split in the same week as we did, one of which was a friend of mine who lives just around the corner from me. When I wasn't on Guild Wars, I was there being told about how much men suck, which was replied with the same, but with a gender reversal.
In typical gaming fashion I tried out the LOST video game, got my monk to Level 20, and helped my Dad build my computer when we realised it was actually quite slow and terrible. Buying more Guild Wars games helped with the boredom at times also.
After three weeks, a bottle of Jagermeister was purchased, and it was back to Preston for good ol' education, with the Jager to help with the not going out and saving money for after exams. So far, it's not been working.

How was everyone else's Easter?

Paul told me to

2008-04-02T13:21:00.001+01:00

Due to the Computing Skills assignment, we all have to talk about Asos.com. Since we're all computing students, I thought this was a little off, but that's a different story. After Paul had a look at the site, he noticed the models were doing really weird poses, so we came up with the idea of a little competition. Take any picture from the site, edit, and post on your blog. Best one gets 500exp and a skill point. Or whatever the real life equivalent is. (We'll sort it out later. I have drinking to do)

Here's my contribution. Click the thumbnail for full size.

I just orgasmed in my pants

2008-04-02T01:17:00.001+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5v0_TjBxY8
http://www.afhakers.nl/media.asp?x=9721

Dead Fantasy 1 and 2. The second looks much better on the site I found it on than on YouTube. I love Monty Oum just for this. I wonder when 3 is released.

EDIT: Paul just told me about this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL-mR79GErU
Haloid.

A day in the life of Ryan

2008-03-31T03:58:00.001+01:00

10am: Awake from stupor after very little sleep.
11am-12pm: Church.
12pm-3pm: Play Guild Wars.
3pm-4pm: Procrastinate on MSN.
4pm-4:30pm: Eat.
4:30pm-10pm:Play Pokémon Ruby after realising the internet is boring on a Sunday.
10pm-12am: More MSN. A little Facebook/Myspace as well.The internet is my oyster.
12am-1am: Stumble.
1am: Find a new Webcomic.
1am-2:30am: Read Webcomic.
2:30am-4am: Try to do some assignment work.
4am: Write a blog just to procrastinate.
????
Profit.

I really shouldn't be told when I get paid

2008-03-28T01:17:00.001Z

Found out Subway paid me directly to my bank account for once, rather than by cheque. At that moment, by coincidence I realised I needed a Gamecube memory stick and new shoes.
Anyone else hating the boredom the Easter holidays bring or is it just me?

So, a game review. Not done one of those in a while. Let's see, what have I been playing?
I got Lost Via Domus for my birthday. I'm a huge fan of the series, no idea why, so it was a good surprise. The game is a point and click adventure game, to an extent. There is also a puzzle aspect to each level, where you have to sort out the circuitry of some sort of machine to progress. For example, the in first level you have to stop the plane from exploding. The game very loosely follows the TV plot, but follows an unseen character's story. I like the way how I'm 4 episodes into the game, and I'm up to the beginning of the storyline of series 2. I also like the way how the game is set out like an episode. Your character, who has amnesia, has flashbacks where you have to take pictures to remember parts of his past. At the beginning of each level, or episode, you get the "Previously, on Lost:" announcement which is in every episode on TV. Might post more when I'm further, but I'll leave it at that for now. if you're a fan of Lost, buy it. If not, I wouldn't recommend it.

http://wondermark.com/d/119.html
Don't say I never get you anything.

A little late

2008-03-25T01:59:00.001Z

Probably should have said last week when I actually did it, but I finished the YouTube part of this assignment.

Enjoy.

Oh, and I just found this video.
And I found this one pretty funny as well. He says the German guy 'trained' on Counter Strike: Half Life.
Funny, I've not played that version of Counter Strike before.

It's a great blog as well. Read the recommended reading.

Why am I even listening?

2008-03-23T00:41:00.001Z

So I have Kerrang radio on right now, and in-between the adverts begging you to use a condom,they actually find the time to play some music.

Sadly, the 'music' consists of a load of cockney, indie bands with annoying singing voices, all of which think they are being innovative and unique singing about that girl who didn't think they were actually all that great last week and using the same generic guitar riff.

If you're Mo, I've told you about how much I hate one of the DJ's of a night, as he doesn't know what he's talking about, and uses the same comments for each track. If you're not Mo, you've just read it and I don't need to repeat myself.

And the DJ that just finished now, all she does is promote her blog or her Myspace, or both.

Back to the condom adverts, and I've never heard worse excuses for adverts in my life. One of them has the inner monologues of two kids who don't sound to be over 15, and what's worse is that the girl turns Scouse at the end. This, in itself, had me screaming at the TV, as I'd gotten away from all that when i moved to uni. I'd make a joke about scousers not using condoms, but I kind of like living.

My favourite has to be the one where the guy in the advert is talking about not thinking about using condoms when you're drunk. i can't help but think if this was true (which it is) you wouldn't listen to this advert when drunk wither, so it's usefulness is kind of lost. Many people have the dilemma of "I could stop and use a condom, or I could be having sex in 5 seconds." After drinking the bar dry, which do you think will look more plausible?

I realise because of all the bad press I'm giving it, half of you will all go and listen to it now to see what I'm talking about, just like when people protest against video games. By all means, do so. you'll see I'm right. Like always.

Test

2008-03-18T23:43:00.001Z

I'm posting this from a handy little Firefox extension called ScribeFire. If you use Firefox, I'd reccommend it. Takes a minute to set up, and saves a lot of time logging in to your blog. Can also be used on multiple blogs.
Hope everyone's having a good Easter holiday so far. I've spent most of mine doing D.I.Y on the PC, but it seems to be working awesomely so far.

Watch this space for (imminent) virus whines etc.

Back to normal

2008-03-15T03:46:00.002Z

Blogging at half 3am?!
That must mean Ryan has internet access. It also means I'm back home.

So I come back from uni for 3 weeks after living away from home since January, and what do I do? (Try to) Install all the programs I need on my newly upgraded desktop so I can carry on with some assignments. But as it's me, something had to go wrong. First off, I've tried installing Visual Studio 3 times. All three times I've had to restart the computer for various reasons. Same with getting my Entertainment Computing pictures from NetStorage. It must be a big file as it's an unknown filesize, and it had been downloading for an hour before I had to restart last time. I have no idea how to set up Visual Studio for the TL Engine when it's finally installed as the Games Concepts website is down. Again.

And to top it all off, as I was catching up with LOST, my computer went crazy and started making noises. I think it was the fan, as I did a bit of DIY and it seems to have stopped.

Hopefully it's all sorted out soon, and I can get down to some work.

On a lighter note, I hadn't been home for 5 minutes and I had mates inviting me out tomorrow night. Popular bugger I am. So I'm off to Roadkill, for a catch up with some mates, Amy, and to see some (hopefully) good bands.

I'm getting geekier by the day

2008-03-14T15:09:00.004Z

So Dave bought me Guild Wars Prophecies the other day, and then we've been playing the Dungeons and Dragons board game. I love both games, and I doubt I'll get much work done over Easter because of it. Which is a shame because some of the assignments are (God forbid) fun.

Not been blogging as much due to recent Laptop problems. I thought I would have been bored as hell without a laptop, but the past two weeks have been a blast. The above games, going out, and working have filled up my time.
For instance, last night, I went to lectures, made sure I got a pass in Programming at least, went for an all you can eat, then played Dungeons and Dragons before work. Straight after work I ended up in Revs, then we went to Mo's flat. When I woke up, I went to the games lab, played some Guild Wars, went to mine for DnD, then back to the games lab for GW. Rinse and repeat for the past week.

I'm going to have to end it here since I'm going home today. Which means leaving the lesson early.

Oh, and by the way, I'm 19 on Monday 17th. I expect the large, expensive presents by Sunday.

Ten reasons why phones suck.

2008-03-12T21:50:00.007Z

So today's task is another exciting list. One where I must list the reasons not to use mobile phones during class, lectures etc. I have a feeling this might be due to one dude who's been caught doing this on more than one occasion during lectures the past few days, but that's a different story.

Numbero uno (One).
It distracts others. You may think you're talking quietly, but in a lecture theater, your voice carries. And this is really annoying for those actually trying to pay attention.

Two.
Your ringtones are crap. Not much to say about this. The opening sentence says it all really.

Three.
It makes me feel unpopular. When I see someone on their phone, I can't help but look at mine, and realise no-one has rang me in days. It's quite the ego killer.

Four.
It distracts the lecturer. So some lecturers can ignore it, or at least tell the student to get off the phone, and carry on. But what about lecturers who haven't been doing this for very long, or a guest speaker. It'll be harder for them to pick up where they left off?

Five.
I'm scouse. You have a phone out. Need I say what happens next? Those crime adverts on TV tell you not to advertise your phone to thieves.

Six.
I have the strange urge to throw things at people who are distracting me during lectures. But the only things I have in my pockets worth throwing are my PSP, and my phone, which both weigh a lot. Sit in front of me next time and see what happens. If all goes to plan, you might feel the weight of my phone on the back of your head, in sweet, sweet irony.

Seven.
It's rude. How would you feel if I was on my phone and talking when you're talking to me about something that's actually important.

Eight.
You paid to be here. You're going to waste that money on talking on the phone? Well done.

Nine.
Everyone might see what model you have the displeasure of owning, whether it's the newest model with the thousands upon thousands pointless features, or the brick with the battery the size of my hand.

Ten.
The ringtone may wake me up. If I've been out the night before, or had my usual 2 hours sleep, I won't be too pleased.

My opinion is better than yours

2008-03-09T23:39:00.003Z

So I've come to the conclusion that Ticketmaster sucks turkeys, and Seetickets can assult me anally anytime it wishes. So what brings this on?
One simple reason. I have Pendulum tickets.
Save your applause until after these words while I regail a tale of misery and woe.

So I go onto Ticketmaster looking for Pendulum tickets, find some, and reserve them while I fill in my details. It was only until the end when I realise that they do not take my debit card. Should have remembered from when I bought Motley Crue tickets last year really, when I had to use my auntie's card and give her the money. This would have taken ages, as I'd have to go home and persuade her to give me the money again. (Though I am the favorite so it wouldn't have been a problem.)

Seetickets was my next port of call since I've used them to buy tickets for countless other gigs. 5 minutes later, I was £40 poorer, but two pendulum tickets richer. And that's why Seetickets owns. And why I now can't wait for May 2nd.

Pendulum, then Mighty Boosh, then Lee Evans. It's going to be a good Summer/Autumn.

Computers suck

2008-03-06T23:43:00.000Z

So I fixed my laptop temporarily, only to have the same problem again a few hours later.
I've now figured out that the fan wasn't working, and the whirring I thought was the fan was actually the hard-drive, which means that the laptop has been overheating without me knowing.
You know, except for the extreme heat every now and then which I took no notice of.
Thankfully I still have the warranty of the thing so I should be able to get a new fan soon. I just have to wait until next Friday to send it to Novatech, when I go home for Easter.

On a lighter note, I should get paid tomorrow (tomorrow being 10 minutes away) so I can buy Pendulum tickets for me and Amy. Who should be coming down on Sunday.

To add to the greatness I'm feeling right now, I'm listening to Rise Against.
All is right with the world.

Well, except for laptops, which can burn in hell.
(Probably what mine was doing while overheating actually)

This is hard

2008-03-03T22:59:00.004Z

Living with limited internet access is hard.
Hopefully my computer will be up and running on Wednesday, so I can carry on blogging like a mad man.

Now, it's been a while, so here's a brief games review.
Brief because I haven't completed it yet.

Being the Final Fantasy whore I am, I managed to get Final Fantasy I for the PSP a few months ago. I've been playing it a lot since I fixed my PSP, and all I can say is that back in the 1980's, they didn't know about exposition. I spent hours walking around the world map figuring out where to go. This has it's ups, as for the majority of the game I've been 20 levels higher than I needed to be. The rest of the game is good though. There isn't much character development, though I didn't expect it from a SNES port. The version of the game I got is to celebrate the 20 year anniversary, where FFI and FFII were remastered to look more flashy. However, only the graphics and the names of some key items have changed. The rest of the game is the same as it was back in 1987.

I told you it would be brief.
I'll probably come back to it at some point to talk about the story after I've completed it.

Video editing

2008-02-29T16:41:00.004Z

The Entertainment Computing lecturers should realise that when you give a student a camera, lots of weird clips start to appear. (For example, we had a lot involving a photo booth. )

The theme of last week was 'Superheroes.' Apparently, someone suggested it, and since it was his birthday, Nicky said yes. I hope I get asked for a theme when it's my birthday. The videos to come out of that would be priceless. And NSFW.

Anyway, I joined up with the usuals, and we walked around Preston looking for ideas. When nothing came to mind, we ended up walking down an alley to see what was there. At the end was a nursery. We had cameras. I walked away promtly.
It gave Will the chance to point out Bhalock Street though. (Note: Read as 'Bollock')

An extra hour passed where we took random videos and linked them to superheroes very slightly.

The amazing thing is, we managed to make a decent video with the severe lack of footage we took. How we managed to make a spinning chair relevant is beyond us!

Me, Mo, and Will toiled over a hot Movie Maker window for an hour and a half this week to make something relatively watchable. Ricky was meant to help since he was with us when the group split up into groups last week, but he was doing the usual looking at Youtube videos. We still gave him credit since he appeared in the movie though, because we're nice like that.
We'll beat him later.

I'm sure you're dying to see the video, so here goes.
If the video below doesn't work, follow this link.

Say it isn't so!

2008-02-27T16:11:00.002Z

So my life is practically over!
My laptop is screwing up, and I'm thinking it may have to be sent off since it looks like a hardware malfunction.
It keeps freezing randomly after about half a minute.
I'm hoping it's not an internal error, since I'll be without a laptop for a week or so.
Hopefully it's just a virus.
It took me an hour to back up all my uni work, since it kept freezing in the middle of it.
In the end I had to copy over each folder seperately and hope for the best.
I'll reformat it later and hope it helps, or even better, fixes the damn thing.

Not a lucky day for me really.
I came to the games lab to go on the internet, only to find that Internet Explorer isn't working.
And Firefox is blocking most websites.
Ebuddy and Blogger are thankfully working though.

Sod's Law that this would happen when i have a slight hangover isn't it?

Talk about impulse buys

2008-02-25T22:51:00.002Z

First off was a trip to HMV. While Mo looked around for a DVD, I stupidly browsed around and found the Airplane 1 and 2 boxset in a 3 for £20 deal. It was my mission to find two more to go with it so I could reap the rewards. My bank balance cried a cry of pain as I found The Holy Grail and Austin Powers International Man Of Mystery to go with it. Proud of my purchase, we all went Subway while I picked up my wage slip. It had £50+ in, which will be a critical point later. For our next lecture, we learnt about the key games, people, and industries we should know. Somewhere in between all the name dropping, a deal in Gamestation was mentioned, where Gamecube's were going cheap. Later on, during a trip down to said shop, I found out it was £35 for the console and any 4 games from the 4 for £20 range.
Remember that £50 I got today?
It didn't help that I saw Ocarina Of Time for the N64 for £9.99 either
So I'm £44 out of my wages already and the cheque hasn't even cleared.
Although I did get the Pokemon Colusseum pack, which had a new Gamecube, Memory card, and Pokemon Colesseum, along with the 4 games I picked: Metroid Prime, Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, Star Wards Rogue Leader, and Blood Omen 2.
Combine that with Airplane 1, Airplane 2, Monty Python's The Holy Grail, and Austin Powers Internatiol Man Of Mystery and I don't think I'm getting any sleep tonight.

Belated news

2008-02-25T09:06:00.002Z

So I can't help but feel like I should blog about last week's Entertainment Computing lesson, just in-case I need to.
So Friday was another fun packed day of sleeping until 1PM, then getting ready for a 2:30 lesson. Thing is, I was still tired for some ungodly reason. Anyway, fatigue aside, the aim of the day was to grab a camera or two, go out into the streets of Preston, and take videos with the theme "Superheroes"
We were all clueless.

For most of the lesson we walked around spouting out ideas, involving some from 'Whose Line Is It Anyway.' We had the idea of 'Impotent-Man', but I didn't want to take the video with that. In the end I found a giant banana, became BananaMan, and smacked Mo on the back of the head.
I'll find a way to relate it to superheroes later.

Games galore

2008-02-22T00:29:00.005Z

Like many other bloggers before me, I feel it is my turn to infest the Internet with my opinions on what is great and what sucks metaphorical genitalia. Today I'm feeling positive, so we'll stick with the former. And what is the fabled topic of discussion?

Video games.
(Oh come on, like you didn't see that coming.)

Watch as I, for your own amusement, list my top 10 favourite and most influential games of all time.
Or at least post-1992, when I could hold the controller and have the vaguest idea of what the cool blue buttons did.

No particular order. Just the order I think of them.

The Curse Of Monkey Island. (1997, PC, LucasArts.)

One of the first games I ever completed, admittedly with a little help from the parents. The Curse Of Monkey Island is the third installation of the Monkey Island series, and manages to implement comedy with outstanding gameplay. Some of the jokes used in the game are some of the funniest I've heard in a game. You play as Guybrush Threepwood, a wannabe pirate (because pirates are obviously better than ninjas,) as you try to defeat the zombie pirate LeChuck, who you meet in the previous two games. You know you're in for a treat as soon as you watch the opening scene. Not only do the opening credits have an amazing song played over them, but you start off marooned in the middle of the ocean in a dodgem car, pining for food and water, all of which float buy much to the ignorance of Guybrush. As a ten year old this was comedy gold to me, and it still is to this day.
The game has advanced a lot from the second game, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge. No longer do you have to click the action from the menu at the bottom, but all the actions you need are encased in a coin that pops up when you hold down the mouse button, making it much easier. The graphics have improved a fair bit as well, and I was amazed at how good some of the scenes were animated. Admittedly, LucasArts have spoilt the aesthetics a bit in the next installment, Escape From Monkey Island, by bringing it into 3D. In my opinion 2D looked much better.
If you've not played this game before, or are a fan of the Monkey Island series I'd fully recommend The Curse Of Monkey Island.

Final Fantasy VII. (1997, PSX, Square.)

Let's just get one thing straight before I begin. I'm not using this game because it's the most popular, it made the list because it was the first final Fantasy I ever played, well before all the hype about it came up. Just needed to get any "Fanboy!!1" comments out of the way. FFVII was the game that brought Final Fantasy into the mainstream eye, and was also the first FF Playstation release. Previously, The SNES was honoured with such delights. It was the first 3D Final Fantasy, as the previous games had used sprites, typical of the time. One thing that set it apart from any other games was the size of the game. I first saw this game at a computer fair and thought it might be a good game to pass the time. And that it did. 60+ in-game hours later I was hooked, and helping Cloud and the gang get raped by Weapon and Sephiroth. Even after I'd completed the story mode, there were too many sidequests left just to let it sit alone on my shelf collecting dust. It also opened the gates to other Final Fantasy games, such as IX, my favorite. Recently I managed to get FFI and FFII for the PSP, and got the Advent Children soundtrack, so even now it has as much an impact on me as it did over ten years ago.
The size and depth of the story was amazing, as was the soundtrack, and some of the challenges. (Chocobo Racing, anyone?) The story has caused a few spin-offs, such as the game The Dirge Of Cerberus, and the film Final Fantasy: Advent Children. I could go on forever about FFVII, as there is just too much to talk about. But I'm sure you've heard it all before.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. (2002, PS2, RockStar.)

Vice City was the fifth game to be released into the Grant Theft Auto franchise, and the sequel to Grand Theft Auto III, though it is set nearly 20 years beforehand. Before Vice City, I'd never been into the GTA franchise. Sure, I'd played the first few, but as soon as I played VC, I loved it. The story, in my opinion, is the best in the series, and even though the engine needed a bit of work, it was still one of the best. Some of the radio stations where the best I'd heard, and it is another of those games which managed to bring comedy with good gameplay. GTAIII also does this, but I never really got into that game until a few years later. There was a wide range of weapons, and the game was pretty non-linear, which was different to anything else I'd played before then. If I got bored of doing missions, I could go and explore the city, and there was a lot to explore. The range of weapons to be found meant it rarely bored me. It was also the first GTA game to use helicopters and which allowed you to fly. GTAIII allowed you to briefly, but the controls were messed up and needed lots of improvement. And to all those saying these types of "murder simulators" encourage violence, I've not once told a hilarious anecdote about how I beheaded a guy with a screwdriver. But I'll leave the violence rant for another blog.

Sonic The Hedgehog. (1991, Sega Megadrive, Sonic Team.)

Where would any self respecting games list be without Sonic. Possibly the fist game I ever played, and I've never regretted it. My dad teaching me how to play, and the countless hours that followed is one of the best highlights from my childhood. No violence, barely any story, no character development, but lots and lots of shiny rings. Who knew collecting spinning rings and jumping on small animals so they transformed back into bunnies could shape a childhood. But it did. To this day I still have my Dad's Sega Megadrive, along with the three Sonic games with the Knuckles expansion pack.

Tony Hawks Pro Skater 3. (2001, PSX, Activision.)

The game that hooked me into skating games, and possibly one of the early influences of 'Rock' music. Skating, good music, and good challenges. What was not to like? With bands such as Motorhead and The Ramones gracing my ears, I kept going back to play. The range of tricks had a little something to do with it as well. The size and variety of levels has to have an honourable mention, as well as the 'Park Creator' option, which I spent many hours on. Plenty of conversations in school revolved around me and a mate discussing the park we'd created the night before, and the insane combos we'd pulled off. (We weren't the coolest of people.) THPS3 was the final game where the timer was present at all times. This was called classic mode in the later games.

Guitar Hero II. (2006, PS2, Harmonix Music Systems.)

Since coming to uni my love for GH has grown because of my mates. I think it's safe to say I'm addicted. OK, so Guitar Hero III has Rise Against, and Guitar Hero I has Graveyard BBQ, but GHII was the game which made me beg my parents that Christmas for. Just because I played it in a demo booth in Curry's. Shout At The Devil - Motley Crue, who I also saw the following April, because I'd heard this song and fell in love with the band. It hasn't stopped introducing bands and songs to me. The unlockable section is a great feature as unsigned bands get featured in the game, then people like me rejoice since they can 'play' their song. The hammers on's and pull off's had improved much since the last installment of Guitar Hero, which made it a little easier. There's always going to be that argument to "go play real guitar", but when you're having this much fun you don't care. To be fair, real guitar does hurt less though.

Duke Nukem 3D. (1996, PC, 3D Realms.)

Another game introduced by my dad, and the game which brought me into the world of FPS's. 1996, so I was 7. As a 7 year old, seeing mutant pigs with guns is cool. As a 7 year old, controlling the dude that kills them is awesome. I must admit, I had to use cheats to get through most of the game, but that's expected of someone so young, right?
For 1996, some of the graphics were stunning. I'll always remember the space level, I think it was the second one, and just staring out the window into space, or hooking up loads of lasers just to see the explosions.
3D Realms did a great job of enforcing some comedy into the game. Some of the gore was exaggerated, such as shooting a pig and watching them wheeze on the floor, or just some of the quips Duke makes in the game. Well if you're going to make a game about saving the human race and killing pigs you might as well make a few jokes about it.

Hogs Of War. (2000, PSX, Infogrammes Studios.)

Continuing the theme of pigs, Hogs of War was a game I got when I bought my Playstation. It's sort of a Worms clone, in which you control a team of pigs instead. Comedy is a high factor in the game, as the pigs make comments when injured, attacking etc, and Rik Mayall of Bottom and The Young Ones fame popping in to act as the general during multiplayer mode and FMV sequences. For me, it was the Rik Mayall voiceovers that won the game. I loved Bottom and used to play multiplayer against the computer just to hear some of the remarks he made.
The teams in the game represent six nations of the world: England, America, France, Russia, Japan and Germany. Each pig makes comments relevant to their particular stereotype.
Some of the weapons used are typical of the genre, such as bazookas etc, but there are also some new ones, such as the medical dart, which you use to shoot your team-mates to heal them.
With such a range of levels, I never got bored of this game.

Pac-Mania. (1987, Sega Megadrive, Namco.)

Not to be confused with the original Pac-Man, released in 1980 by Namco, Pac-Mania, for me, was the first time I'd come across Pac Man. My mum love the game and introduced me to it. I really should thank her for that. Since then I've bought and been given clothing and other merchandise with the loveable 'hero' decorating it. Originally an arcade game, the aim of the game is to eat all the pellets without touching the ghosts. Sounds easy? You'd be wrong. The difficulty increases each level, and the ghosts get more fearsome. The maps change each level, and grow in size increasing the challenge. It's the ultimate addiction.

Age Of Empires II: The Age Of Kings. (1999, PC, Ensemble Studios.)

Originally downloaded from a demo, I fell in love with the Age of empires franchise, especially the second installation. Some people like the different games for their graphics, the abilities or the settlements. I like it for the sheep.
You could herd sheep at your town centre, and get a shepard to collect food from them. This was a new feature for the second game, which was changed slightly for the third game.
Other, more sane reasons, for liking the game included the random map campaigns. The variety of maps and customisation on each was astounding. If you didn't like any, start from scratch and make your own map. even make your own objectives. Hour, days, even weeks were spent making maps and giving myself crazy advantages. Withing the editor there were also a few troops you couldn't research in the game, such as the Flying Dutchman.
The expansion pack wasn't too bad, as it added yet more maps and settlements for you to try out.

And so ends my list. You may not agree with what has been said, but please remember this has been about what has influenced me as a gamer, not the most successful or most popular game. If you still don't agree, then go write your own blog.

Two blogs in one day. You lucky readers.

2008-02-20T19:07:00.002Z

So i just read the Entertainment Computing blog and it seems I have to talk about some stuff which I haven't yet covered. I'm bored with no games with me to play in the games lab, so here goes.

The pictures taken the other week have been slightly edited, but the original images came about by the group getting together, discussing what they wanted to do, taking the shot and seeing how we could improve it before we got distracted by shiny things or started taking pictures of boobies. (Believe me, it's harder to not get distracted than it sounds)

I think many of us were going for an 'A day in the life of a student' kind of thing, so the shots we took fit in with the theme quite nicely. If you've read my previous posts, you'll know these include booze and video games. And zombie attacks. You know, the usual.

No idea how i'm going to set out the video yet, or what transitions I'm going to use. I have to have a think about the music I'm going to use as well. Ah well, at least I have Easter to think about it.

Oops

2008-02-20T17:23:00.002Z

I accidently deleted a blog from the 8th. Was deleting the drafts that saved randomly and clicked the wrong button. Twice. >_<
I blame fatigue.
Anyway, there wasn't much exciting stuff to be lost. It was just talking about editing some of the pictures we took the week before and adding captions. I'll try to post some as I have to upload them to a photo album anyway, but I've not got them with me at the minute. They're all on my laptop
The assignment we have for this module looks pretty good so far, as I have a few ideas for the pictures I've taken, and even a few I've taken outside of lesson time. I'm adding captions to them to add to the humour, and hopefully I won't be the only one to find them funny. Using similar text boxes to the Final Fantasy IX speech bubbles, which I made on Photoshop. Yay for avoiding copyright.

Hopefully I won't lose marks for not having this blog posted at the right date.

Tuesday blogging

2008-02-19T15:15:00.003Z

Now that my serious posts are out of the way for a while, i can get back to the matter at hand, Video games.

Recently I managed to unbrick my PSP. I was asking anyone if they wanted to buy any of my then redundant games before I realised I had the internet at my disposal and I could at least try to find a good website with any information. Thanks to Youtube (I feel dirty just saying those words) I managed to find a video which gave a very In-depth tutorial on how to unbrick your PSP. As long as you can get to the recovery screen, it would work. I managed to get to the recovery screen, and spent the next half hour frantically taking notes and downloading various programs. Success! It was alive again!

As I'm re-united with my PSP, I thought I'd talk about a PSP game today. Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories. This is the first in the series for the PSP, set three years before the events of Grand Theft Auto III, but six years after Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. You play the role of Toni Cipriani, and his story as he becomes Salvatore's right hand man, as he was in GTAIII. The game uses the same engine as GTAIII, which I can understand as it's set in the same place Liberty City, and uses the same characters. However, once you've played GTA: San Andreas for a while, it takes a while getting used to the controls again. And the not being able to swim thing got a little old after they allowed CJ to swim in SA. On a side note, and not to be racist or to offend, but it seems like only black characters can swim in these games. The next game to be released in the series was GTA: Vice City Stories, where the main character, Vic, is black and can swim.

Anyway, the missions in LCS are pretty easy, and minimal at times. There are a few missions where the goal is to get from point A to point B, with person C shooting at you (and missing.) After the depth of the missions in SA and previous games it seems like we're just filling in the plot holes the other games left.

The fact that it's on the PSP means modding is pretty easy. There are many sites giving you cheat devices and cheats that require minimal knowledge to put on. There is also the custom soundtrack feature which was a nice bonus, as I combined two of my favorite things. Listening to Bullets & Octane and running over old ladies.

The story mode might be pretty flawed, but the multiplayer makes up for it. My college days were spent with 6 of us constantly on multiplayer trying the different match types, and it's so fun. The player can unlock different costumes when they get to different parts of the game, some of which bring some typical 'Rockstar' humour to the game. (Rockstar being the developers.) We all had our own trademarked character which no-one else was allowed to use. Because of this, a gimp chasing a chicken in a truck became a daily sighting. The cheat device can also be used in multiplayer, much to the dismay and frustration of my opponents.

I'd recommend the game to any fans of the genre and series, or just to a first time player. The controls and lack of features may be a little dissapointing and frustrating to advanced players.

Digital Manipulation For Dummies

2008-02-15T15:05:00.010Z

Photoshop.
Since before the dawn of time, it has allowed us to take an image and change it.
The internet.
It has given us thousands of websites to take more images from.

Censorship has basically become redundant, as anyone can take a picture and manipulate it to our every whim. My college days were spent editing pictures. If I did this to someone's work, it's plagiarism.

Photo editing software is so advanced and easy to come by that almost anything can be done to an image. A few weeks back, in an Entertainment Computing practical, we managed to make a picture of a lake into a Loch Ness Monster picture. Many of the class had never used Photoshop before, but still managed to make decent pictures, many of which looked authentic.

Images have been known to be edited so as to mislead others, a common case in the news. This article is just one example.

Isn't it funny how before cameras and film, miracles happened,(See: Jesus) and strange creatures were seen.
Then cameras came along and nothing happened for a while.
Then editing software came along and now we have tales and 'evidence' of Bigfoot and UFO's etc.

On a similar note, the pictures from a few weeks ago have to be edited slightly to fit in with this topic. So here we go. Fear my skills!
(Note: they're only quick jobs. quality wasn't an issue.)
Click for full size.

Sorry for the somewhat serious topic. Back to randomness and chaos soon. Ideas for my next blog in a Stamped Addressed Envelope to the usual address.

This would be a lot easier if I liked those pesky applications

2008-02-15T12:08:00.006Z

So a task for our assignment includes listing my 10 favourite Facebook applications in order of preference. Before I do this, can I just make it clear that the majority of application requests go ignored by me, so I don't have that many installed. I don't see the point in many of them, and I hate getting my page cluttered by them. The ones at the top of this list will be the ones I've already installed. After that, if there's space to fill it'll be the ones I've had a look at and which seem OK. That said, let's begin.

1) Wrester - Such an addictive application. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm Central Lancashire champion (and hopefully Liverpool champion soon) or the fact that they keep updating and adding new moves which makes me keep clicking and fighting.

2) Cyanide and Happiness - One of the interweb's best webcomics got it's own application, which I promptly installed. Displays a random comic on my profile. Many laughs guaranteed.

3) iLike - This is on the list solely for the Music Challenge. Back when I played this challenge, many hours were spent guessing the song name for the first 10 seconds of a song. I did pretty well also.

4) Flog Blog - I've found a few bugs with the application, but I don't know if that's just my computer acting up again or not. When I've found a way around them, it's a pretty good application. If you have friends that like to blog it's a little better as it gives you something to read during the boredom hours.

5) What Position Are You? - Put on my profile purely for lol's, and it's stayed ever since for the same reason. A simple quiz tells you what sexual position best suits you. Apparently my personality shows that I'm the Missionary Position.

6) How Good A Lover Are You? - Added for the same reason as above. A simple quiz determines how good a lover you are. I'm yet to ask the lady how true the description of it is.

7) Top Friends - Adds a top friends list, much like Myspace. I think the limit is around 30, but it could be more. This application also lets you 'send drinks' and tells you when people add you on their top friends, bringing your social level up.

8) Photos - One of the default applications, but still a pretty handy one. Lets you create photo albums and upload your own pictures for the world to see. Also lets you tag photos so people can now stalk your friends as well as you.

9) My Drunk Friends - Like Top Friends, it places a list of friends on your profile, this time stating your drinking buddies. Downside is you have to invite at least 10 friends, so if you don't like spamming friends, this isn't the application for you.

10) Counter Strike: Red Team Go - Recently added application so I'm not exactly sure what to do. Seems like you just choose to attack someone and keep doing it until one of you dies. Much like the actual Counter Strike game.

Well that list is done, now to talk about two of them in greater detail. It'll have to be the first two on the list.

Wrester is one of the most addictive applications I've ever had the mispleasure of installing. Many an hour have been lost while I try to keep up with the 6 people all attacking me at once. Went through some major updates recently, making the matches more balanced, using a momentum bar for example. Different moves give differing attack power and momentum power. You can challenge random people in your networks as well as your friends who've added the application. So far my networks include Facebook, England, Central Lancashire, and Liverpool, so I'm never without a match or 5.

Cyanide and Happiness is one of the most crude and random webcomics out there. So when I heard about an application about it I ran to install it. This places a random comic strip on your profile, and you can also add one specifically from their website. When you do this, your mini-feed is updated to show your friends which one you chose. It's a good application since when I'm bored, I can click on my profile and laugh at the randomness. Since the webcomic updates everyday, you can never be short of laughs.

A good Facebook application is one which keeps you coming back to check up on it. I've had many applications where I just installed them, and then forgot about them. A few weeks ago I did a clean up of my applications to get rid of the ones I never used and it took forever. I never knew how many I had. Most of them were pointless application which didn't have a purpose. (Don't ask why I installed them in the first place. I went through a phase of accepting everything.) A good application also needs to have a clear purpose, as there are many out there just designed to spam friends. Many of applications listed above I use regularly. 'How Good A Lover Are You?' and 'What Position Are You?' are quizzes so there isn't much to check on, but the application 'My Drunk Friends' I've recently deleted because I never used it. The Counter Strike application is only below it because it was installed while I was writing this blog so didn't seem fair.

Well I think that covers all the points I need to cover, so I'm going to leave it here as I need to go get some food. And don't you love how I've done next Monday's blog on Friday morning. I need to stop blogging so much.
Or do I?

Romance day

2008-02-13T21:18:00.002Z

For such a commercial holiday, today wasn't too bad. Yes, I know Valentines is tomorrow, but today was the only day me and the lady could be together due to those things I like to call lectures. As the male, it's my role to give the best gift and to pay for any meals we encountered. While I fulfilled point two, the first point was overshadowed by her desire to make my present look like the excrement of a sick panda in comparison. Okay, so she loved my gift and gave the typical girly shriek of joy when I presented it, but going out and buying a moogle (FFIX one, not the crappy FFXII one) doesn't compare to a handpainted painting of Vincent Valentine, signed by my one and only. She actually stayed in for two days straight painting this masterpiece.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why my girlfriend is so much better than any of your respective partners.

Hello again

2008-02-12T15:28:00.000Z

If it wasn't for this damned education, university would be a lot better. Right now I'm in a 'lesson', but everyone is busy procrastinating. It's our social time. But don't worry Mom and Dad, I've downloaded all the lecture notes and worksheets ready for me to read and complete.

Out later! ^_^ Where's Mavis is back to it's rightful home after damage to PR1. This means it's the first week I've actually been to PR1 this semester. First visit of 2008. They're so lucky.

In other news, Valentines Thursday. What have you got planned?
I'm celebrating on the Wednesday instead. The one time of the year I'm obligated to be as romantic as hell. And as broke as a hobo.
It's worth it.

A world without the norm

2008-02-11T02:41:00.000Z

So here I am, half 2 in the morning, blogging. Doesn't get much better than this. Maybe if I'd tried to get some sleep instead of playing Kingdom Hearts I wouldn't be in this mess. Then again, whenever I try to get an early night I wonder who's online, how my wrester application on Facebook is doing, whether or not I've got any comments on Myspace and if any webcomics I read have been updated.

This is the norm, and since my laptop is next to me at all times and needs to be surgically removed, it sort of interferes with sleep. I can't remember back before I had at least a computer which didn't have an internet connection. Okay, my desktop had a modem which I shared with my dad, passing through to each other when one of us got bored with being online, but still it affected my insomnia. If I wasn't told to get offline, I stayed awake until all hours on (I'm ashamed to say it) chatrooms, and the old social networking sites I used to frequent.

I even had at least two games consoles in my room since the age of 7, and while they've helped me become the lovable gamer I am today, they did stop me sleeping the normal hours when I came of age and was allowed to pick my own bedtimes.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one this has happened to. There are many people out there, like me, who are online at all hours doing nothing. Friends, family, random people who found my e-mail online. I've talked to all of them at 3am when we've needed to be up at 8am the same day for a busy day.

Is this wrong? The amount of times I've woken up for a lecture and regretted writing that wall post at 2am are too many to count.
If only I'd saved my game 2 save points before.
There was nothing on TV so why did I turn it on?

All have been through my mind at some point or another.
So would the world, and people's sleeping patterns, be better off without electronics?

I for one would hate it. Late at night is the only time I get things done.

My balls are bouncing!

2008-02-04T20:11:00.000Z

Obviously talking about that pool table we're programming.

Well the requirement for this blog was to keep it updated regularly. You think I've surpassed that? It's been 2 days (I think) and I'm back blogging away. Ah well, all in the name of internet entertainment. You lot have it easy. I'm the one who has to think of something to write about, try to use wit, and take time away from my busy procrastinating to form readible sentences. You just have to find this page and read. Not that many people would read this. Maybe I should put a counter on so I can see the pitiful amount of internet traffic I draw.

I'll either inflate my ego, or kill it completely. Win/Win.

Maybe I'll put ads on as well.
Or a Paypal button.
Or some kind of musical video for entertainment.
OR A PONY!

The possibilities are endless.

I could be a photographer

2008-02-01T16:11:00.000Z

Not a good one, but still. Today as part of our assignment we got given cameras and let out onto the university campus. It was a scary experience for the general public. Armed with cameras we had to take pictures to fit in with the theme 'A day in the life of...'

Hardly any fit in with the theme. And the ones that do involve video games and alcohol.

I need to go back to the flat and shower before work, so a short blog.
And now I can take a break from blogging!
Huzzah!

Winter-een-mas - Night 7

2008-02-01T03:16:00.000Z

And so it ends for yet another year. The end of Winter-een-mas was upon us, so we celebrated with a bang. Lots of bangs actually. As we played Halo 3 most of the night again. And a bit of Call of Duty 4.

I suggested going 'Old Skool' and hooking up my N64 for some Super Smash Bros, but Ricky has the bigger flat, so it was round to his for next gen gaming.

It's 3am, and I've been gaming since 1PM, after lectures. Got further on Kingdom Hearts, then to the games lab for CounterStrike and Guild Wars. Then it was onto Ricky's.

I've tried to play a different game every day this holiday, but all I managed tonight was half an hour of Call of Duty 4 on multiplayer, not enough to write about really. So I'll skip the 'review' tonight. Good thing as well, since I need sleep.

Thanks to the gaming buddys for a great Winter-een-mas, and I hope everyone else had a good one this year. Bring on 2009.

Winter-een-mas - Night 6

2008-01-31T00:50:00.000Z

As I stated yesterday, not a lot of gaming went on today since I had one of those rare things some people like to call a 'day off', within which I took a trip back home to pick up some things which my hungover brain forgot to bring up to Preston back in the days of Christmas Holidays.

It did however allow me to pick up The Sims 2: Castaway Stories, and while I had an hour or so to kill I played a bit of Family Guy on my dad's PS2.

Family Guy reminded me of the Simpsons' game recently released, where every line of dialogue was a joke or line from the show. When I played a demo of it, it took the combined efforts of 5 gamers to figure out what to do (which is a matter for another time), in which time we got the same lines pummeled into our skulls, so much so that what would have been one of the wittiest remarks of the century made us want to kill our firstborn and snap the disc in half. Family Guy was similar in the sense that it was a load of jokes made into a game with a slight plot, but in a way that the same lines weren't used over and over again.

The game is a typical platformer: 'Get from Point A to Point B. Oh, and between the two points are a lot of obstacles that don't make any sense and you could just walk around them or go a different way. Enjoy!' But I'll let that slide since making sense isn't one of Family guy's strong points. Actually, it's the main basis of the show, and the random 'plot' adds to the humour.

The combat system needs work, but then again I wasn't expecting sharpshooting from a toddler, so again, I'll let that flaw slide.

Another game I tried to play today was The Sims 2: Castaway Stories. 'Tried' being the keyword as it took me an hour to install it, and then it wouldn't run. The first installation failed at 98% when it couldn't find the uninstall program or help files from EA. Oh dear. I cancelled the installation. 5 minutes later and I was still waiting for the pain to end. I had been asked 4 times whether I wished to cancel the installation since it couldn't find crappyfile.somethingorother to which I replied yes on all occasions. In the end i gave up and restarted my laptop. The next installation seemed fine, as the game had magically found the files and completed the installation. I loaded up the game and viewed the EA opening scene. Sucess! It worked. Then I had the downright bad manners to click to skip the opening scene for the game. The game didn't seem pleased that I wished to miss out on what I suspect was brilliant footage as it locked up and wouldn't respond at all. A visit to the task manager later and it was gone. Thinking it might have just been a bug, I tried again. This time the game froze of it's own accord. After clicking randomly it took me to the menu screen. I thought we were progressing then and got ready to kill my sims2 minutes after creation. No such luck. I was staring at that pretty loading screen for what seemed like an eternity before task manager got involved again.

I was only trying to install The Sims and my computer acts like I was trying to install Crysis 3. This is why I like console games better. No installations.

For a non-gaming day this has been quite the long blog. I'm glad you all learned something today from this pointless rant.

Never buy The Sims. Ever.

Winter-een-mas - Night 5

2008-01-30T03:00:00.000Z

If it weren't for this education, I'd be getting a lot more gaming in. After lectures finished it was back to mine for Guitar Hero. I asked my flatmate to join us, as the gaming was just something to do before we all went out. Since he was more of a Po Evo kind of guy, we ended up playing that as well.

There is a reason I don't like sports games. The main reason is that I hate sports anyway, but there is another. The controls on this game were so weird I couldn't control them. As soon as the opposing player got close to one of my team members, it automatically switched to them, most of the time causing me to run in the wrong direction. It may have also been the fact that I lost 6-0, one of which was an own goal. Maybe if I won I'd have liked the game more.

As we went out tonight and I've already talked about Guitar Hero in a previous blog, I don't really have much to say game-wise. I know it was wrong of me to go out instead of gaming but who could resist 'Where's Mavis?' In retrospect I should have gamed instead. The new place isn't as good.

I'm going Liverpool tomorrow to pick up a few things from home, so I doubt I'll be doing much gaming again. I'll try to play a game I haven't talked about yet during the night though. Or I may not. Whatever I choose to do, no-one will care anyway. I doubt people even read this.

Winter-een-mas - Night 4

2008-01-29T01:30:00.000Z

Yet another rambling from the Mouth (Or fingers) of Ryan. At the time of writing I have completed and handed in all my assignments to be handed in this semester. So the next hand in dates are after Easter. This almost makes up for the lack of gaming today. Although I did have a go on Bomberman and Worms on the Xbox 360 in the Computing Building. As well as more Guild Wars and Counter Strike.

Between bouts of HTML coding and making sure I had everything ready, I had a go at a LAN game of Counter Strike with some of the gaming group. We were terrible. Me and Dan vs 5 Normal bots = lots of deaths on our part. Then when we got humans in the mix, I did even worse. Though I did get Vanny a good few times.

Then I stayed in the CAT building, and it doesn't look like I'm leaving soon.
Why?
No reason.
I just like to be sociable. I also hate sleep. I'm too lazy.

Anyway, short blog as I'm too hot and not enough game related things happened today. So here's a video. Enjoy!

Winter-een-mas - Night 3

2008-01-28T02:29:00.000Z

Not much went on tonight. After last night's escapades I didn't end up awake until 4pm. No-one was gaming due to assignments due in soon, so I took the time to play through Kingdom Hearts.

I've borrowed the game from my girlfriend, but not played it in months. Thankfully, I wasn't that far in so there wasn't that many controls to remember. All the positive reviews I've heard about it have been right. It's a great game, and even though I've not completed it yet, it's a good story so far. Before I knew it, I'd clocked up 6 hours of non-stop playing.

For those who don't know, it's a Square-Enix/Disney creation, so there are a few Final Fantasy characters as well as Disney characters. I had a strange urge to play some Final Fantasy games, as well as the urge to watch some Disney films whilst playing. For example, Aladdin, which I used to love.

I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't Played Kingdom Hearts before. I'd also recommend it to any who have.

I just hope Winter-een-mas picks up from it's day off today.

Winter-een-mas - Night 2

2008-01-27T15:54:00.000Z

So after a 8 hour shift which should have been a 7 hour shift, I came home to find the games night at Paul's had been moved. Horror struck! So I watched bottom since I didn't know where they were. It was a good episode. I was about to go to sleep and sort out my sleeping pattern, when Paul rang and dragged me out. All in the spirit of Winter-een-mas of course. So after dragging Mo out, finding Ricky's flat, and being forced to cook food for everyone, it was time for gaming.

By the way, I cooked the food because I ended up having some for myself. I'm not that generous. Mo helped as well.

Halo 3 was the game and though I'm not much of a next gen player, I gave it a shot. I went in the 'Pirate's team because pirates are awesome. We ended up destroying the Ninja team, further proving my point.

After we all got bored of Halo, it turned out it was 5am. Everyone left and I woke up at 4pm.

So much for sorting out my sleeping pattern.

Winter-een-mas - Night 1

2008-01-26T01:10:00.000Z

I know I keep going on about Winter-een-mas, but it's my blog so meh. Besides, I'll stop talking about it in a week's time.

All in all, it wasn't a bad start to the holiday. Had a few hours of gaming in the games lab. "But Ryan," I hear you cry. "That's how you spend most of your waking moments! What gives?" Well today was the day I stepped into the world of MMOPRG's, or Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games to the common folk. It was Guild Wars to be exact. All in all, not a bad game. I like the idea of just paying for the licence key, and the lack of monthly subscription costs. To be fair, I wasn't really paying as I was creating a character on a mate's account, but I'm considering buying it now. 2 hours after starting and I have a level 5 Warrior Necromancer. Called Gerald Shlong. Because I'm ace.

After my little trip to online-land I invited some mates round and we had a go on Guitar Hero 3, which I've neglected for the past few weeks. I apoligised to it by cracking open Co-op mode on Hard difficulty. All was going well until we got to 'One' by Metallica. We got to 80% through and my screen 'lit up like a christmas tree'. We had a good laugh about that, rested the fingers, and then tried 'Knights of Cydonia' by Muse. This time there was less lighting up, more manic button thrashing. Yes, we failed again. The main problem with Guitar Hero (not that there are many) is that once you get to hard difficulty, the songs near the end get impossible. This has been said time and time again, but the further you get in the game, the less fun it gets. This is a shame because most of my favourite songs are at or near the end of the game. I only hope Guitar Hero 4 is more challenging than impossible. Yes, there will be a Guitar Hero 4, who are we kidding. After such a successful franchise I doubt they'll stop until the game has been bled dry. It's happening with Halo, and it happened to Tony Hawks.

Although there is a game franchise which has never stopped being fun for me. Final Fantasy. I have been getting a lot of criticism from my girlfriend saying I spend too much time doing sidequests. I'd already completed the game before, but I figured I'd stop with the sidequests in Final Fantasy 9 and see if they had actually made a difference to the difficulty of the final bosses. They were mightily easy. What used to take me an hour of careful planning and strategy became 10 minutes of using high level magic and constant attacking, with very little healing. It was in that moment I felt like a god. A powerful god who destroys anything in it's path, but a god nonetheless. And that's how a game's meant to make you feel.

Right?

Obligatory 'Hello' post

2008-01-25T14:29:00.001Z

Now that I've gotten used to the site and personalised my page, I'm obligated by blogging law to at least say hi, and welcome to the blog. This is where I'll vent all my words that never got to see the light of day in the real world. So let's start shall we?

So as you may have told from my last blog, it's Winter-een-mas. This is a gaming holiday celebrated from the 25th January until the 31st. If you haven't heard about it, I'd go read Ctrl+Alt+Del. Right now Tim Buckley has started his Winter-een-mas comics so you're in for a good read, as well as an educational experience. Be sure to look through the archives to get the full story.

Since I'm a gamer on a games course, I thought it would be appropriate to actually celebrate this year, instead of just gaming alone and reading webcomics. Sadly, that last sentence describes the rest of my life, but that's a different story for a different blog.

Happy Winter-een-mas to all!

It was the night of Winter-een-mas

2008-01-25T01:39:00.001Z

And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a computer mouse

The games were piled on the shelf with care
In hopes that the gamers would soon be there

The fraggers were all nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of headshots danced through their heads

When out on the games lab there arose such a clatter,
I jumped on the LAN to see what was the matter

To open the Steam window I flew like a flash,
Fragged a few noobs and caused quite the clash

When all of a sudden I knew I should go
There was a Halo tournament in the room below

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
Good Lord, Winter-een-Mas was here

Merry Winter-een-mas, and to all a good frag

The story of my blog.

2008-01-22T03:09:00.000Z

Well a university assignment required me to start up a blog and start telling you all some juicy bits of info about me and my days. Blogger.com was recommended, and here I am. Expect more stuff later on when I'm awake, and I've had a play around with the site to see what wonderful things I can do.